Black & White, Nature vs. Nurture Debate & Sigmund Freud

Well, I've gotten Side Tracked from my Swedenborg Series (the Next Two Posts Below).  I was going to do Three or Four Posts on him, but Only Ended Up doing two.  There may be more Later, yet for now, I'm Focused on Sigmund Freud and am Amazed to what Extent People who Write about these Historical Figures are Black and White in their Thinking.  For example, why do People Think that when it comes to Nature vs. Nurture, we have to Settle for one or the other and that it can't be a little of both.

This Post is sort of a Critique of an Article that I've read about Sigmund Freud.  Here is the Link to the Article that I'm now Responding to.  It covers all sorts of things relating to Sigmund Freud, yet if you Found this Post by way of a Web Search and are Primarily interested in the Nature vs. Nurture Debate, please feel Freed to Skip Down to the Part that contains the Heading "Black & White Thinking in the Article (Nature vs. Nurture)".  To Answer the Very First of your Questions, though, Freud's Focus was Very Strongly on Nurture.

The Author of said Article is Anti-Freud & Anti-Nurture.
I Wonder if it will Surprise the Friend who gave me this Link, to Realize that when I Read it all the way through to the End, what I mainly saw was Bias and Black and White Thinking.  I'm not even Particularly a Lover of Freud, yet I still Found the Final Conclusions in this Article to be Excessively Anti-Freud, or Actually more Specifically, Anti-Nurture in relation to the Nature vs. Nurture Debate.

The Positives Relating to Freud
In the First Part of the Article, a lot of Freud's Ideas are Explained and Only Some of them are Argued against.  For Example, the Article Admits that "Most People, including many who Reject other Elements of Freud's Work, Accept the Claim that Part of the Mind is Unconscious and that People Often Act for Reasons of which they are not Conscious."  The Article Actually calls Freud's Idea about the Unconscious "A Ground Breaking Idea".

The Article also says that the Idea that the Mind is not a Monolithic or Homogeneous thing Continues to have Enormous Influence on People Outside of Psychology.

Ok, so the Id, Ego & Super Ego has been Questioned and Rejected by some and Freud is Criticized for giving too much Importance to One or the other of these Factors, yet his Contributions to the Field of Psychology were Significant and can not be Discounted so Easily.

The Negatives
The Main Conflict has always been Relating to Freud's Over Emphasis on Sex as the Motivator of all Creative and Productive Behavior.  The Fact that Freud Expanded his Sexual Idea to Include all of our Creative Instincts and the Idea that Children are Sexual Beings has been Under Attack since the Very Beginning and his Idea of the Sexual Instinct and the Death Instinct has been Challenged as well.  Ideas such as the Oedipus conflict; Oral, Annal & Phallic Fixations, as well as Penis Envy (Another one that was not Mentioned in the Article) were all Controversial from the Start.  Freud was just Plain too Focused on Sex, to the Exclusion of other Social Motivators and I would Add Intellectual Motivators as well.  This Part of the Conflict is in No Way New.  These Ideas were Rejected by Most Psychologists a Really Long Time Ago.

It also doesn't Surprise me to Read that some Guy named Lydiard H. Horton Claimed that Freud's Dream Theory was "Dangerously Inaccurate".

Towards the end of the Linked Article, the Author was quite Negative, Making all Kinds of Generalized Negative Statements against Freud's Over All Theory, Research and Practice and "a Large Majority of Freud's Work".

Freud's Model and Theory of the Mind and his Basic Methods and Theories are Rejected by Some Clinical Psychologists and by Most Experimental Psychologists and Psychiatrists.  Many Clinical Psychologists, though, have Modified his Approach and Still Use it.

When the Article begins to talk about Freud's Psychological Theories being "Hotly Disputed Today", that he is Regarded as a Charlatan by some, that Psychiatry and Psychology has been "Recast as Scientific Disciplines", that his Influence is Lessening in Psychiatry and that his Theories have been Repudiated and Replaced by the Ideas of Emil Kaepelin, some of the Positives that were said earlier in the Article seem to have been Forgotten.

Back to the Positives
What about the "Ground Breaking" Idea about the Unconscious Mind and how it Influences Behavior; an Idea that Most People do still accept?  And What about the Idea that the Mind is not Homogenius or Monolithic?  And What about the Fact that Some Clinical Psychologists have Modified Freud's Approach and Developed a Variety of Models and Therapies that are Similar?  And What about the Fact that even many of those who have Rejected his "Model of the Mind" have still Adopted Elements of his Therapeutic Methods and that even the Use of "Talking as a Form of Therapy" is Accredited to Freud?  And What about the Fact that some People, even Today, still Seek Out Freud's method of Psychoanalysis as Part of a Process of Self-Discovery?  Also, What about his Research in Relation to Cerebral Palsy, in that he disagreed with William Little about the cause of it and that his Opinion is the One that was Confirmed by Research in the 1980s?  Yes, Freud was the One who Discovered that Birth Complications were a Symptom, not the Cause of Cerebral Palsy.

Ok, so Most of Psychiatrists and Psychologists Today Reject Traditional Freudian Psychoanalysis the way it was Originally done, yet what about all the Positives?  This Article Appears to be Throwing the Baby Out with the Bath Water.  For Example, the Article Mentions how Experimental Psychologists and Psychiatrists Often Rely more on Drugs then on Talk in their Treatments and this is True, yet Considering all of the Negative Side Effects of these Drugs, the Total Emphasis on Drugs is way more Negative, than Positive.  Talking has never Stopped being a Good Idea, even to those Clinical Psychologists who have Rejected Freud's Model of the Mind.

Black & White Thinking in the Article (Nature vs. Nurture)
So what was it about this Article that I found to be inappropriately Black and White?  Well, the Statement "Freud's Notion that the Child's Relationship to the Parents is Responsible for Everything from Psychiatric Disorders to Criminal Behavior has also been Discredited." is Only True because of the Word Everything.  Never Mind, though, that the Suggestion that "Everything" is the Result of Genetics is just as Inaccurate.  Ok, so maybe we shouldn't always "Blame-the-Parents" for "Eveything", yet what I've Found to be Equally True is that Continually Blaming Oneself isn't Helpful either and also, to Suggest that Genetics and Biology Explains "Everything" and that there is no such thing as the Influence of Nurture is no more Accurate than the Opposite Extreme.

Just because there were many Decades, in which "Genetic and Biological Causes of Psychiatric Disorders were Dismissed without Scientific Investigation" does not Justify now Dismissing the Nurture Part of the Equation.

Yes, it is well established that Genetic and Biological Factors have a Great Influence on Human Development and Behavior and Sure, Psychiatric Disorders are Generally Considered Diseases of the Brain whose Etiology is Principally Genetic and many such Diseases have been Demonstrated to be Impervious to Psychoanalysis, yet none of that means that there is no such thing as Nurture.  Or that Nurture has no Influence what-so-ever.

To Use the Controversy Over the Excessive Sexual Focus of Sigmund Freud to Push the Idea of Genetic Influences, at the Exclusion of Equally Important Nurture Influences is Absurd.

The Only Reason that the "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual" or the "American Psychiatric Association" Reflects the Neo-Kraelinian Scientific-Biological Approach to Psychiatric Disorders is because Psychiatry has always been the Biological and Nature Branch of Psychology.  Clinical Psychology is still alive and well, though, and is still Focused on Nurture, just as much as Psychiatry is on Nature and their Focus is on Talking, rather then Drugs.

It almost sounds as if the Author of the Linked Article is Holding some Kind of a Grudge because Biological and Genetic Etiologies were "Largely Ignored during the Earlier Freud-Dominated Decade of the Twentieth Century".

Anyway, though this Article Mentioned a Number of Positives at the Beginning, the Concluding thoughts were Excessively Negative and made it sound as if all of Freud's Ideas are Under Attack, rather then just a few of them, and that even Believing in Nurture and not just Nature is an Idea of the Past, but such a Suggestion is not at all True.

The Scientifically Observable & the Non-Scientifically Observable
One Last Black and White Thought is this one...

"Proponents of Science conclude that this Invalidates Freudian Theory and Proponents of Freud conclude that this Invalidates Science."  

Just because Freud Claimed that many of our Conscious Thoughts and Actions are Motivated by Unconscious Fears and Desires, this does not mean that this Invalidates Science.  Oh Come On!  Statements Like this sort of cause me to Shake my Head.  Why does it have to be One or the Other?  How does the Existence of Something that can not be Directly Observed and Studied Scientifically Invalidate that which can be Observed and Studied?  And how does that which can be Directly Observed and Studied Invalidate that which can not be?  Why is it so hard to Imagine that both the Observable and the Non-Observable are True Realities, that that which can be Studied Scientifically and that which can not be can both be Valid Realities and that both Nature and Nurture Exist and Interact with each Other and Why are some People so Very Very Blind to the Idea of NOT One of the Other, but Both?

I just don't get it.  Black and White Thinking is so Prevalent on the Web these days that I Wonder sometimes if True Reasoning has been Totally Lost.

Defense Mechanisms and Confusion in Debate.

As I Continue to Talk about the Difficulty in Communicating on the Web, Perhaps I should Start with the Defense Mechanisms that have been Taught in Psychology Classes for Years.

Here is a Link to a Place in which they are Listed and Explained.  All I'm Going to do here is List Them by Name; Denial, Suppression, Reaction Formation, Projection, Displacement, Rationalization, Intellectualization, Undoing, Isolation of Affect, Regression and Sublimation.

Sublimation is the One that is the Most Healthy, but Many of these Defense Mechanisms Hinder Communication when Debating Emotional Issues.

Projection is a Really Big One, for it Leads to Blaming Other People of the Same Faults that we Possess Ourselves, which is in Reality a Hypocrisy.  It Reminds me of something that Grade School Children Sometimes say, "I Know you are, but what am I?"  I used to Chuckle when ever I Heard that and yet it has Truth to it for Sometimes what Someone Accuses of is more a Reflection on the Character of the Accuser, than on that of the Accused.

Displacement is also common.  I Like to Call this One, Scape Goating.  That is, you Take your Feeling Out on Someone Else, rather then the One who you are Actually Mad at.  If the Object of the Wrath can Realize and Remember that the Actual Frustration is Relating to something else and not Take this one Personally, then this Helps Alleviate the Problem, yet as Human Beings, we Often do React to these Things and this Makes the Communication more Confused.

Rationalization and Intellectualization is Actually a Form of Denial.

Aside from Sublimation, it is Better if we can Avoid these Defense Mechanisms while Debating Issues and Give Apologies when we Catch Ourselves doing it.

It's Funny, but it Seems to me that this List should also Include Identifying with the Aggressor.  This is when we Find Ourselves Acting Like and Becoming just Like Someone who we Hate.

Anyway, these are the Defense Mechanisms and they sure do mess Communication Up.  Whenever Possible, Facing and Dealing with Emotions Head on is the Best Way.  The Ability to do so is a Sign of Maturity.  Small Egos Require Defense Mechanisms, yet since we are Created in God's Image and He Loved us so much that he sent Christ to Die on the Cross for our Sins, we can have a Healthy sense of Self-Worth just Based on the Fact that we are Loved by the Creator of the Universe and having been Adopted as sons into God's Family, we are Royal Children of the King.

Spiritaul Pause - Only God Can Change Hearts.

Since my Previous Post has Reached 41 Comments and I Often Try to Limit the Length of my Comment Threads to..., Oh, I don't Know.  I guess to 50..., And since some Time has Passed since I Last Posted anyway, it is Time for me to Post Again.

As I Pause Briefly from Politics, it is not as if I do not Know What I want to Post about Next.  I Imagine my Next Post after this One will be Based on the Last Link that was Posted in the Comment Section of my Previous Post, yet for some Reason I Feel the Need to Pause before I Continue with that Subject.

There are Still Things that Over Whelm me at Times and I am Gradually Learning how to Manage the Stress.  One Thing that I Keep Forgetting is the Need to Stop and Ask God for his Help, which I am Doing Right Now.  Sometimes it just Feels more Right to Pause Briefly from Politics and Say Something that is more Spiritual.

Funny.  I didn't Know that I was Going to be Posting what I am Actually Thinking about Right Now and yet this is the One that Feels Right to me and it is Something that I Wrote Earlier Today in the Comment Thread Below a Post at Someone Else's Blog.  The Subject was Sociology, Behaviorism, Psychology and Control and not Politics, yet at the End, I'm Going to also Make a Statement about Politics as well.  Whatever is not in Italics was Added Later for the Purpose of this Post.  Here's what I Wrote...


"I Find it Interesting that you are Criticizing Sociology and when I Think about Sociology, Especially that which is Connected to Behaviorism, I Find that I have Issues with it Myself and the Reason is because it is all about Control, that is the Controlling of People's Behaviors through Rewards and Punishments.
 
"The Problem is that Some People Simply can not be Controlled and the Reason Why is because there are People who are Willing to Make whatever Sacrifices Necessary for the Sake of what they Believe and they will Endure the Punishment and/or Lack of Reward for the Sake of those Beliefs.  This is the Reason why Most Psychologists (Non-Behaviorists) realize that it is Necessary to Change the Way People Think and not just the Way in which they Behave.  Only this can Result in a Change that will Actually Last.

"Changing Beliefs, though, is Difficult as Well.  In Christianity, we are Taught that it is God who Changes the Hearts of Men.  In Light of this, any Real Change has to Come from God, so the Best that any of us can do is just Submit to Him and Pray for those who are Caught up in an Error. 

"Neither Government, nor Sociology, nor even Psychology can Change the Hearts of Man.  Only God can do that."


These are the Sort of Spiritual Thoughts that Make me Wonder if even the Practice of Blogging About Politics is Worth it.  Though when I Originally Wrote this, it was about Sociology and Psychology, the Idea that it is God who Changes Hearts is also Connected to the Fruitlessness of Political Debate.  I don't know that Debate is Necessarily Fruitless, yet what I do Know is that if there is Any Chance at all that the Debate is not Entirely Fruitless, it is the Pausing and Focusing on God that will Make the Difference.

It is for This Reason that I Deliberately Slow Down my Blog and am not in a Hurry.

Issues of Frustration & Trust

You Know, Someone just Recently Sent me a Comment that I did not Post.  Mostly it was because it Seemed more Like a Personal Message to me, then Like Something that Needed to be Posted.  The Truth is, though, his Message has Stimulated some Thought.

There were a Number of Themes in it that I'd Like to Respond to and the First one is Frustration.  It's just Like I said to Beth, Beneath an Earlier Post, "As a Person who Struggles with Depression on Occasion, it is Interesting how Often People will Tell me to Stop Doing a Particular Thing that I am Doing at the Time in which I am Talking to them, as if Giving Up that One Item is going to be the Solution to a Life Long Problem."

It just so Happens that Frustration is a Part of Life.  Life isn't Perfect and because of this, we are Never Going to be Experiencing Exactly Everything in the Exact Way that we would Like to be Experiencing it and Unfortunately, this Reality Brings with it at Least Some Level of Frustration.  This is why it Puzzles me that People will Tell me to Run Away the Minute I Admit to some Frustration, as if they Think that the Existence of such Frustration is Something that can Actually be Avoided.

Another Thing Worth Noting is that just because I Admit Frustration does not Mean that I am being in some way "Dominated" by the Frustration.  I believe that is the Word my Blogger Friend Used.  To Me, the Challenge is to NOT "Submit" to the Various Levels of Frustration that will Inevitably always be in my Life.

Some People may Find it Odd when they Hear me Say that I Prefer Stress to Boredom and yet to me, Boredom is What Results whenever we Succeed at Removing all Stress from our Lives.

The Next Theme that I'd Like to Respond to is Trust.  My Friend was Absolutely Right when he said that we Need to Trust Ourselves First.  This Really is True, for we Need to First Trust Our Own Judgment about who is Trust Worthy and Who is not.  We Also Need to Trust Our Own Level of Self-Discipline in not Giving in to Things when we shouldn't.  If we are Afraid that Someone is Going to Steer Us Down the Wrong Path, then at Least Part of that is Trusting Ourselves that we are not Going to Allow that to Happen, for we are not Going to Follow if we do not Like the Direction that the Person is Going in.

Trust Does Indeed Begin with us, yet Part of that Involves Deciding who not to Trust and that is where the Responsibility of the One who Desires to be Trusted Comes in, for Trust is Earned and should Never just be Expected.  If Someone Refuses to Even Try to Work to Earn Trust and Respect, then they Deserve the Lack of Such that they are Given.

I'd like to Thank my Friend for Inspiring this Post.  I Know that there are Others who would Like to Take Credit for Saying Similar Things as this to me, yet the Credit Goes to the One who Said these Things to me more Recently, because his Delivery of the Information was both Humble and Respectable.

The Sun, The Wind, Dominants & Submissives

Ok.  Maybe I Will be Submitting this One.  I didn't Know Yesterday, when I Posted, that I would be Posting two Days in a Row and yet somehow it Seems like the Appropriate Time to Submit this.

Here are just a Few Thoughts that I've been Recently Thinking about.  The First is about the Story of the Competition Between the Sun and the Wind.

The Sun and the Wind were Talking about a Man Walking Below them who had his Coat on and they Both Claimed that they could Influence the Man to Take his Coat Off.  The Wind Went First and Tried to Use Force.  He Blew and Blew and Blew in the Attempt to Blow the Coat Off of the Guy, but the Harder the Wind Blew, the More the Man Clung to the Coat, so the Wind was Unsuccessful in Forcing the Man to Do as the Wind was Insisting on.

Next, the Sun Took a Turn.  Instead of Force, the Sun Simply Used Warmth.  The Sun Came Out and Shown Brightly, Warming Up the Air Until, Guess What?  The Man Removed his Coat of his Own Free Will, without being Forced in any Way to Do so.

So what is the Moral of the Story.  Well, the Warmth of Love is more Effective than any Form of Forceful Persuasion.

I've Know this for a Very Long Time and yet Applying it is so Very Hard to do.  Sometimes the Way in which People Resist us and at Times Behave in Ways that we Consider Inconsiderate just Cause us to Feel Angry to the Point in which Our Love Dries Up, yet Applying Our Own Source of Forceful Wind does not Alleviate the Problem.

As Difficult as it is, the Lord Says that we are to "Turn the Other Cheek" (v. 39), "Go the Extra Mile" (v. 41), "Give to him who Asks of us" (v. 2) and "Pray for our Enemies" (v. 44).  (Matthew 5:39-44)

Here is where I have Struggled in Relation to this...

I've Discovered that there are People Out there who have Divided the World into Dominants and Submissives and who Appear to Believe that the Above Verses are for those who are Submissive by Nature.  I Hated this because the Above Verses are not just for "Submissives", but for Everyone.  The Other Reason that I Hated this is because if a "Submissive" does Apply the Above, God does not Get the Glory, for if Submissiveness is in some People's Nature, then those who are Submissive get the Credit for Acting in Accordance with their Own Nature and it is not God who Gets the Glory.

The Other Problem with Dividing the World into Dominants and Submissives is that Submissives then, get Taken for Granted.  They are Viewed as People who are just Acting in Accordance to their Nature and the Full Extent of the Sacrifice that is being Made is not Recognized.  This Results in Lack of Appreciation and a Disregard for their Needs.

What such a Dominant doesn't Realize is that these Verses were Written for Everyone, not just for Submissives and that the Principle that the Sun Persuades Better than the Wind is Still True, even for those who are Dominant.  Submissives are Human Beings and Human Beings do not Always Behave as they Should.  Even if there is Submissiveness in that Person's Nature, the Dominant is Still Required to be Warm, rather than Cold and Forceful.

What I have Said is Actually Quite Conservative in Nature, for I Know that Some would go even Further with the Idea in Favor of these "So Called 'Submissives'" by saying that there is no such thing and we are all Equal.

Excessive People Pleasing. Still Overwhelmed.

You Know, I've been Feeling Overwhelmed now for Quite Awhile and it is not Letting Up.  It's Frustrating how Blogging can be at Times.  I Watch my Hit Counter and when I See the Number of Hits Drop a Little, I Feel Compelled to Post again and it is not as if I do not have a Post Ready that I could Submit, yet here's the Problem...

I Know that if I was to Post the  Post I'm Referring to, it would Open Up a whole other Can a Worms and since I'm Feeling Overwhelmed by Worms already on a Number of Other Blogs, it would not be Wise for me to Submit my Next Post at this Time.  You see, here's the Thing...

I have a Tendency to be Overly Submissive and to at Least one of my Other Bloggers, even that is a Can of Worms, yet I'm going to Try and Explain this anyway.  There is an Unhealthy Form of Submissiveness and this is what Causes my Stress.

Let me Start by Saying that I Expect too much of myself.  Even the Expectation that I should Post when my Hit Count Drops can be at Times an Unreasonable thing to Expect because I can become Overwhelmed by the Commenters if there is more Activity than I can Handle.

The Reason why I Started with the Idea of Excessive Submissiveness, though, is Because a lot of what I Expect from myself comes from what I Think Others Expect from me.  This Includes Expectations such as Don't Speak Unless you can Prove Everything that you say.  This is a rather High Expectation for me because I am Slow at Web Research and even Arguments that do not Require Web Research Take Time to Think Through and Present to those I'm Dialoguing with.  Sometimes I just Plain Fall Short of this Goal and when I am Judged because of it, this Causes Stress.

Another Expectation is that when I am Challenged, I Need to Offer a Defense in a Timely Manner.  Again, if I do not Meet this Expectation, I Risk being Judged and being Judged or Misunderstood causes me Stress.

The Most Serious Excessive Submission Problem, though, is Caused by the Fact that I Feel Compelled to Respond Positively to most every Request that Sounds Reasonable to me at First.  A Good Example of this is the Request that I Visit a Certain Person's Blog and Offer my Input.  This wouldn't be so Bad if this was the End of the Request, yet Unfortunately the Expectations Continued and Turned to Don't say anything that you can not Give Full Support to within a Certain Time Frame.

Apparently, I can't Handle High Expectation Blogs because I am just too Limited in my Ability and Speed at Doing Web Research.  This Particular Blog that I am Referring to has been Highly Stressful for me and I Never Should have Honored the Initial Request that I Visit the Blog and Give my Input.  It was my Excessive Submissive Tendencies that Led to this Stress.

Some have Called this Sickness "People Pleasing" and what it Basically Consists of is the Inability to Say No.  I Keep Working on this Problem, so that I can Experience more Peace and Less Stress in my Life, yet I Continue to Struggle with this Weakness and Experience Stress because of it.

I want to Apologize if I have Allowed my Recent Stress to Cause me to be Rude to at Least one of my Commenters.  Even if such an Apology is not Required, I'm Doing it anyway because I have a Personal Need to.  Don't you see, even Honoring a Suggestion that I shouldn't Apologize would be a Form of People Pleasing and I Need to Stop doing that cause it is the Cause of my Stress.

Black and White Thinking; The Definition is Gray.

Once in Awhile, I am Inspired by my New Friend Man of Wonder and he has been Inspiring me in Relation to that Black and White Idea, mostly because that is Stated as the Main Theme in his Blog.  I'm Finding that the Concept of Black and White can be Understood in Quite a Number of Ways.  Some of them are Negative and Some are Positive.  I Realized this, as I was Writing Responses to Man of Wonder on his Blog, and then Later, as I thought of a Response to him on my Own Blog, that I've Decided not to Post Until Now.  Here is what I was Thinking of Writing to him below the Next Post Down,  Why do People Believe What they do?....

"There is just Something about Sloppy Thinking, Boy Wonder, that just Seems to Stir Anger within us, in the Flesh.  1)So Many People Out There just do not Know what is Black and White and What is Not.  2)Some Call what is Gray, Black or White and 3)some Call what is Black, White and what is White, Black."

Now to Show you What I Mean by the Different Meanings of the Black and White Concept, in the Context of the First Sentence Above, in which Black and White is Mentioned, it Means that which is Simple and Obvious, as well as Absolute and in the Context of the Second Sentence after that, the First Usage or the Words Black and White is about what is Confused and/or Relative being Called Obvious and/or Absolute and the Second Usage of them Refers to what is Right (White) and Wrong (Black).

Now Read that Paragraph again and see what you get out of it.

Now, for those of you who are Caught up in the Gray (that is Confusion), Some Things are Indeed Black and White (Clear and Obvious, as well as Absolute, or the Same for Everyone), but not Everything is Black and White.  Some Things are not Clear Cut and Obvious and also not Absolute, for Some Things are Gray (Relative) to a Person and/or Situation.

As to the Definition of Black and White as Nothing More than Simple, rather than Complex, Yes, we can "Over Complicate" with Irrelevant Details, yet we can also "Over Simplify", by Assuming that Everything Works According to Our Own Perception on Things or Our Own Point of View, while not Realizing that not Everyone is the Same and that the Way we are Viewing Things May be Beneficial to Oneself, but not to the Other Person (Relative, Rather than Absolute).  Perhaps it would be better not to be quite so Dogmatic in out Thinking.

You See, Black and White can Mean a Lot of Things and some of them are Negative and some of them are Not.  For Example, when Black and White Means Basic and Simple, this is not Necessarily a Negative, but when Black and White Means According to MY Point of View, or "My Way or the High Way", this is a Negative.

Also, When I Say that some of Life is Gray, at Least Part of What this Means is that Sometimes Things are not As they Seem.  Or Put another Way, Things are Foggy and Confused, Not as Easy to Understand as they Seem, or there is "more there than at first Meets the Eye" and this could also Mean that some things are Relative, rather than Absolute.

Now, as a Review of a Few of the Links that I had Referred to in an Earlier Post,  these Links; (Thoughts on Standing Beside a Bomb in a Crowded Square &  Black and White Thinking doesn't Work in a Gray World); Place the Idea of Black and White Thinking in a Very Negative Light.  The First of these Links Actually Places Black and White Thinking Right Along Side of Extremism and the Second just Explains why Black and White Thinking, as Described in the Article, does not Work in the Real World.  Both of these Links Came from a Post at Dave Millers Blog, The War on Extremism.  I Agree with what is Said in these Linked Articles.  The Problem, though, is this...

If Sometimes Black and White Thinking is Understood According to the Given Linked Articles, than Later when someone Uses the Same Terminology to Describe what is Simple, rather than complex, then the One Who Means Only Simple, and not Complex, will not be Judged Fairly for what he or she Says if the Readers are thinking instead about some of the more Negative Definitions of the Terms, Black and White.

There Obviously is a Negative Form of Black and White Thinking, yet this Concept has been Used in so Many Different Ways that Perhaps we Need to be Clear in Our Definitions before Throwing such Words Around.

Communication, Friendship, Risks, Endings, Etc.

I've been on a bit of a Roll in relation to the Evolution vs. Intelligent Design thing and I do have at least one more Post on the Subject that I'd Like to do, yet since the People I Interact with on the Blogs are a Diverse Group of lots of Interests, Perhaps I should Take Breaks and Post about Lighter Things that Require less Though, or at Least less Scientific Though.

I've been Thinking about Friendship and Communication and how Hard such can be at Times.  It's Scary to take the Necessary Risks in Order to get the Best Rewards out of our Friendships.  We get Pets and they Die, we form Friendships and get Rejected by them.  Nothing that is Worth While comes easy.

It's Funny how they say that the Best Things in Life are Free, yet the Truth is that this is Only True in the Context of Money.  In the Context of Work and Effort, nothing is Really Free.  Communication Requires Work, Marriage Requires Work and Friendship Requires Work and sometimes no Matter what we do, we can Still Experience the Rejection that we Fear.

Here is how I View it.  As Long as I can say that You have Learned Something from me and I have Learned Something from you, then the Friendship has been Worth it, regardless of whether or not it is Permanent.  For me Personally, it is the Relationships that End in Anger and in which we can not Come to a Place of Acknowledging that the Friendship was Worth While in some Way; These are the Endings that Hurt, but it doesn't have to be that way.

Some Broken Friendship can also be Reconciled and when this Happens it is Truly a Blessing.

I hope that this Post will Help anyone who Reads it that Feels Lonely in some way.

Lead a Horse to Water/Not Pride, but Depression

Here is the Post that I intended to Post on Tuesday, 2/26/2009, but it seemed that God blocked it, for I sensed a check in my Spirit and well, as it turns out, God did not want me not to Post this, but only to delay in Posting it, for it seems that I was supposed to Post two others in the mean time. The best way for me to refer you Googlers to the other related Posts is to refer you to May's Archive, or for the rest of you, just scroll down and read them.

I hope that those of you who are not Spiritual will not mind me inserting comments in my writings about how God speaks to me. I do often sense His guidance in my writing and sometimes I actually listen. LOL.

Anyway, the original Inspiration for this Post came from the Comment Section of the Post, "The Unmotivated Electorate/Voters/Basic Economics", which you will probably want to read if you want to better understand this Post. In short, I suggested in this Post how it might be helpful to set up more Information Centers to help people learn about the Issues and the Candidates that they will be Voting on. The Comments that I am responding to now in this Post can be found beneath the Post that I've just left a Link to.

When I submitted a Comment on May 22, 2009, at 7:53 AM, beneath the above Linked Post, I had Type Written 1 1/3 Pages and only submitted the first 1/3 Page. The other Page has given me some pause and I was wondering the following morning if I should try and rewrite it while Speaking more from the Heart.

Well, once I got going on this Post, I realized that it was long enough to be at least 2 Posts and maybe more. Hopefully, I will one day get around to the Speaking from the Heart part, but for now, I'm just going to respond a little more to a few of the comments beneath the above linked Post.

The first thing that I want to respond to is Griper’s Statement “You Can’t Force People to Inform themselves.” (Griper, May 16, 2009, at 10:41 PM). The second time I read this Comment, the second half of the sentence caught my eye; “Especially those who believe they do not need any.” In reading this, I have noticed that he was Focusing on the Proud, yet it is actually the Slow Readers and Slow Learners that I was first thinking of when suggesting these Information Centers and then later I was also thinking about those who Lack Motivation because they are either Stressed, Discouraged or Depressed. The Arrogant and Proud are a totally separate group and are not really the segment of the population that I think these Centers should be focused on anyway.

BB-Idaho said something similar in that “The Black/White People will not attend. They already know all the answers.” (BB-Idaho, May 18, 2009, at 5:37 AM). Again, the Focus is on the Unwillingness of the Proud, yet again, that is not who I think these Centers are primarily for.

In further response to that Comment, perhaps some of the “Centrists” and “Gray Area Folks” “do not Prioritize their Politics as the Overriding thing in their Lives”, yet you know something? As much as the Black and White Folk may not like it, it is the "Centrists", "Gray Area", "Moderates" and especially the ones who “Lack Passion and Conviction” and/or “CAN’T DECIDE” that decide the Elections. A lot of what I put in quotes in this Paragraph and the next one is in quotes because this has been suggested in the Comment section of one of Z’s Posts, "This Gospel of Moderation".

Motivating, Educating and Persuading the Electorate is not about changing the minds of the Black and White, Stubborn, Proud, Unbending and Impossibly Resistant. It’s about the “Luke Warm”, Moderate, “Non-Passionate”, “Non-Committed”, “Lacking Conviction”, “Unmotivated”, Undecided Voter, who is not really so Stubborn and Painfully Resistant, just Unmotivated. This is who needs to be targeted. The Stubbornness of the Black and White Thinker and the Extremist is not a concern because that’s not who we should be targeting anyway.

Soapboxgod also said something similar to what’s already been discussed relating to not being able to “Force” the Unwilling. In Soap’s words, “You can Lead a Horse to Water, but you can not Make him Drink.” (Soapboxgod, May 18, 2009, at 12:00PM). When ever I hear this statement, I am always reminded of how in Saudi Arabia, Egypt and similar places, they give Salt to Camels in order to “Persuade” them to drink lots of water just prior to a trip through the Desert and apparently it works rather well.

Here’s the thing. Too often people use statements like this in order to justify their decision to not even try to Persuade. As you can see from the Comments of all three of those mentioned, this practice is quite wide spread. It’s a contradiction, though, because there is no such thing as a Politically Motivated person who does not try to Persuade. They only call on the “Horse to Water” Statement when they don’t care as much about an Issue.

Another similar Quote from this same Comment (May 18, 2009, at 12:00PM) is Soap’s words “People need to have the Fortitude to seek out this Information.” This is a similar Cop Out as the “Horse to Water” Statement just mentioned. The idea is to place the blame on the UNMOTIVATED PERSON and thus justify any reluctance to do anything that’s helpful.

Here’s another Quote, “If educating the electorate is your primary goal, then it behooves each individual party as a whole to guide their members towards books, think tanks, research, etc., which is in tune with said party's ideology, principles, beliefs, etc.” The problem with this statement is that it focuses mainly on “Members”, many of which have already decided to Vote with the Party, yet just as mentioned above, the Audience that we need to reach is not the Black and White/Extremists, nor even those who are simply Loyal to their Party, but the Moderates, who are “Less Passionate”, “Less Motivated”, “Less Committed” and Undecided. To draw those to the Centers, some Advertising outside of the Party Membership is going to be required.

I guess I could also point out that just because a person is not fully Motivated does not necessarily make them Unwilling.

To Elaborate on the actual Title of this Post, sometimes "Lack of Motivation" has more to do with Depression than Pride. I guess I don't have to educate you very much in relation to the fact that Depression is just the Opposite of Pride. Depression involves not Liking Oneself and not Believing in Oneself and just so that you can Understand what I'm getting at, Statements such as "You can't Force People to do anything.", "Black/White People will not attend. They already know all the answers." and "You can Lead a Horse to Water, but you can not Make him Drink." do absolutely nothing to address the issue of Lack of Motivation, as it relates to not pride, but to the slow Reader and Learner and also those who suffer from Discouragement, Stress and Depression.

Statements such as "I can't Force you or Make you." are actually not that helpful when said in response to a humble person who is simply asking for help. In fact, these statements come across as quite Accusatory and they Focus more on Guilt than on Encouragement, but I can assure you by my own experience that Accusations and Guilt never produce much Motivation. Instead they produce just the opposite; an increase in Discouragement and Depression.

What Brings Happiness/Makes People Happy? Money??

You know, there are several reasons why I sometimes choose to make a comment that I'm about to leave on my blog or someone else's blog into a Post, whether than just a Comment. One is because the comment seems too long to just be a comment. Two is because I need to remain in the habit of Posting to my Blog once in awhile, so that those who follow me will continue to come by to check out what's new and three is because I feel the comment thread my comment relates to has gotten too long. This time, it is the first two reasons listed above that are causing me to make this Comment into a Post.

Anyway, in the next Post down, "Don't Forget to Enjoy the Journey", one of my favorite Commenters, BB-Idaho, left the most interesting link entitled, "Are We Happy Yet?". It contains research in the form of a survey about what sorts of things contribute to Happiness and what does not.

Among the other conclusions, one of the most interesting ones is that contrary to the popular belief by a lot of religious folk that money does not make people happy, well actually, according to the survey, it does. I was always a little skeptical of this idea anyway.

My father used to build custom homes and though he never considered himself rich, we were never really lacking in that department and my class mates at school considered us well off because we lived in one of the expensive custom homes built by my father.

My parents would point out that the "Custom Home" we lived in was furnished with a lot of modest, inexpensive furniture and that we could only afford it because Dad built it himself. My parents were very humble, not too showy sort of people; not like the way people generally stereo type the rich folk. Once Dad had a Million Dollars on the books, he claimed that "Now a days, a million is no longer that much money." Well, actually, that was awhile ago and I think that back in the 70s, it was a lot, or at least it was more than the parents of a lot my fellow class mates possessed. Everything is relative, you know.

Anyway, interestingly, I decided that I didn't like being envied. Envy creates a division between people that blocks genuine friendship and because of this, I considered it more of a negative, whether than something to be flaunted.

As odd as it may seem, when my husband and I got married, he had a Bran New, Bright Red Camero and I actually disliked the attention. I just wanted an ordinary economy car that would not cause me to stand out in any way.

Now, a lot of my readers are not going to fully understand my attitude, because it's actually not a very common one, but it was what it was and it actually took me awhile to realize that for someone who had never owned a new car before, nor much else that is more luxury than necessity, this was a really big deal and it is only natural to feel proud when one can purchase something so special and so much beyond what he's had in the past.

So you see, there are some negatives to having some wealth, such as feeling isolated by other people's envy, no matter what you do to avoid causing it. And than there is the matter of not feeling as close as to your father that works so much and is to himself a lot, as creative people often are. I don't know if not knowing who your true friends are was so much of a problem. For some reason, I didn't feel that one as much, yet the envy thing really bothered me quite a lot. I felt that it created a feeling of isolation that I did not like, especially since I never did consider myself any better than anyone else. Why should I? It was my father who earned the money, not me.

There is another side to this, though, for there are positives and negatives within every human experience.

Before I get into that, though, I'd like to tell you about how the rich and the poor sometimes view things differently and those new to wealth, or even smaller pieces of occasional luxury, view things differently than those who have had money for more than one generation.

An example of the first of these is how my parents used to note that they could always tell, when people walked through the houses as they were put up for sale, who could and could not afford to buy them by the way they reacted. The "lookiloos", who couldn't even begin to afford such a home, just reacted in amazement. Those who were potential buyers were way more critical and not as impressed.

An example of how those new to wealth view things differently than those who have had money for more than one generation is how my husband was so proud of his new Camero, but I didn't think it was any big deal.

One of the differences in attitudes between the rich and the poor that has really stood out for me, though, relates to the phrase "Oh, it's no big deal! It's just money!" Well, this sounds really good and even impressive at first, until one realizes that it is mainly the rich who say these things.

Probably the most key example of this casual attitude about money and things is the way my father treated his vehicles. He was not at all like my husband who is really big on maintenance, never misses an oil change, tire rotation, transmission service or anything else that is recommended for maintaining a car. No, my father actually put a lot of his tools and contractor supplies in the trunk of his new Lincoln Town Car. They used to really tease him about it and tell him how much they loved his fancy "Work Truck". In contrast, when those who have had less money most of their life, finally get something special like that, they treasure it, value it, take great care of it and protect it with their life.

The reality that I learned later in life is that while I was learning that "Money is not what brings happiness.", "It's just money.", "A house is meant to be lived in." and "They are just things.", someone else was learning "The Value of Money" and how important it is to take care of what you have because it was a lot of work to earn what it took to purchase these things.

Getting back, though, to the link "Are We Happy Yet?", though I was taught that money is not what brings happiness and have even listed some of the negatives for you above, even so, there is another side to this picture. I saw with my own eyes what happened to my parents and to the basic mood in the house hold when the economy went bad and they lost a bunch of it. I have also experienced first hand what it is like to struggle financially in my own marriage and witnessed the marital stress that can result. This is why I'm not too terribly surprised that some survey found a correlation between money and happiness.

Though money can not buy a lot of things that are quite valuable, such as love and true friendship, even so, a lot of what money can buy is not without value. Though I'm not much into the showy prestige stuff, money also buys Food and Clothing, as well as a few Intangibles, yes, Intangibles, such as Education and the Opportunity to Travel. Education leads to Knowledge and Traveling leads to very precious Memories. Knowledge and Memories are both Intangibles, so you see, money buys more than just "Things".

Well now, isn't that interesting? I was intending to respond to the entire article "Are We Happy Yet?" and yet I didn't even get past the first issue mentioned, which is money.

Don't Forget to Enjoy the Journey

As I think of things that different people have said to me throughout the blogging world, there is also something that Griper said that really stuck with me. Probably the most important thing that Griper has ever said to me is "Don't forget to enjoy the journey." I have to keep remembering that. Too often I get all caught up in the conflict between Joy and Freedom and Duty. I don't know if I remember all of my thoughts connected with this, but I'll try to come up with at least some of it.

BB's first comment on a previous page relating to our puppy, "Difficult Dogs and Puppies/Tired/Submissive Peeing", reminded me again of the above quote from Griper. What BB said was "Puppies are supposed to bring happiness. Aren't they?", but he might as well of said "Oh come on, Lista. Don't forget to enjoy the journey.", because that is what I heard in my own head.

Another thought was in relation to the verse "28) Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29) Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30) For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 12:28-30, KJV)

Now that I think of it, I was going to connect that thought with Griper's idea "Don't forget to enjoy the journey." and talk about how God never meant for life to be so hard, how it is important to allow ourselves a little joy because without it, even our Christian testimony loses it's credibility.

A couple other verses that go along with this are found in the Gospel of John; "10) The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." (John 10:10, KJV) and "11) These things have I spoken unto you, that My joy might remain in you and that your joy might be full." (John 15:11, KJV)

And then right along with my thoughts on Christ's yoke being easy and that He came to give us life and joy come thoughts about Freedom and Duty. I wish my thoughts on these things were flowing more freely right now than they are, but to be brief, it has been quite apparent in my life that life is really hard when I try to do it in my own strength and when I am allowing myself to be bound by the Expectations and "Duty" that has been imposed on me by others and at times even by myself, but not by God. God is the only one really that we need to please. So many things that we think are important really aren't and in reality what God thinks is all that matters.

Don't Throw Your Pearls Before Swine

There are times in which I've felt like questioning God about the way He designed certain things on this earth and within the hearts of His people. For example, why has He created us in such a way in order to allow for the pain that we feel? It seems to me that our emotions are far too strong and our hearts far too easily damaged.

There is something else that happens too besides just the injuries that happen to human hearts. Another thing that occurs is how the truth about human hurts remains way too hidden. The very fact that we hurt so deeply hinders the communication that could aid in our healing.

One really good example of this is how a rape victim will so often fail to report the crime that has been committed against her. Sometimes the delay is so long that some will question whether or not she is telling the truth. Time and time again, it is necessary for a professional to take the stand and explain how it is not uncommon for the trauma of such an event to prevent and delay the reporting of the event and how such emotions can even remain buried in the victim's heart for years before the truth comes out.

In a similar way, sometimes people who are highly sensitive emotionally can be injured deeply by something that their loved ones do not think should be significant enough to cause pain, yet the pain is so deep, that the person can not even talk about it.

Finally, after a considerable amount of time has passed, the person finally talks, yet only to be met with the complaint, "That was so long ago. Why are you bringing up the past?" I never could figure out who wrote the rule that if too much time passes before a confrontation is made, than the complaint becomes mute, yet when the hurt is very deep, we are reluctant to talk about it. Sometimes we are even reluctant to talk about it too anyone at all, never mind the one who has caused us pain.

The problem is this...
The truth about the very deepest of hurts is not often enough expressed. Because of this, those who cause such pain continue to get away with it. The faults of the villains are not brought to light and some do not even realize that an injury has occurred at their hand. This reality troubles me.


As I've added to this a few principles that I've found in the scriptures, I've become puzzled even more. Consider for example what Jesus tells His disciples in relation to parables.

"10) The disciples came to Him and asked, 'Why do you speak to the people in parables?' 11) He replied, 'The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. 12) Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. 13) This is why I speak to them in parables: 'Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand. 14) In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah: 'You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. 15) For this, people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.' 16) But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.'" Matthew 13:10-16, NIV.

"10) When He was alone, the Twelve and the others around Him asked Him about the parables. 11) He told them, 'The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you. But to those on the outside everything is said in parables, 12) so that, 'they may be ever seeing but never perceiving, and ever hearing but never understanding; otherwise they might turn and be forgiven!'" Mark 4:10-12, NIV.

"He said, 'The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of God has been given to you, but to others I speak in parables, so that, 'though seeing, they may not see; though hearing, they may not understand.'" Luke 8:10, NIV.


How odd this is. It is as if the truth is only for those who put a little effort into seeking it, for the Bible also says...

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." Matthew 7:7, KJV.

And "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." John 8:32, KJV.


The idea of concealing some of the truth is reinforced by the very fact that things that hurt are difficult to talk about. And than this is reinforced again by the verse that says, "Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you." Matthew 7:6, KJV.

Yet there is a part of me that cries out and says, "But God, if only they really understood, maybe they would repent!" and this has continued to puzzle me.


I guess God wants us to be so concerned about others, that we actually pay attention to how others are responding to us. He wants us to desire to know and to care about whether or not we hurt those around us. Some people are just too absorbed in themselves and their own concerns to notice what is right there before their eyes.

Lord, please help us to want to know the truth. Please, reveal to us what we need to know about ourselves and our effect on those around us. Please seek out the motives in our hearts. Please, reveal to us the truth and set us free, so that we may more effectively love. Amen!

Calm the Anger in My Heart - Poem

The Lord has actually healed me of a lot of the things I used to really feel angry about.  Of course, this horrible beast still rears it's ugly head at times.  We all struggle with anger at times, yet I'm so much more at peace than I once was.

Forgiveness is talked about a lot in the churches, yet my struggle was significant enough that I kept saying, "You know what?  It's just not as simple as that."  Forgiveness actually involves a little bit of a healing process and can often take a little time.   It just plain doesn't happen over night.

Here is a poem that I wrote once when I was feeling angry.

Calm the Anger in my Heart

Calm the anger in my heart. Help me to release it unto You.
Pry my fingers from their grasp.
Help me to know You know the way.
Calm the anger in my heart. Show me hope that You are there.
You're the one who changes hearts. Help me, let You do it, Lord.

(Chorus)
What can I do, when the trust has gone away?
What do I do, with the hurt that still remains?
I give it to You, Lord. Heal my pain and make me love.

Calm the anger in my heart. Help me to see Your guiding hand.
Let me cry my tears to You. Heal me Lord and show the way.
Calm the anger in my heart. Help me to see the other’s pain.
Help me feel compassion, Lord. Ease my hurt and show me how.

(Chorus)
What can I do, when the trust has gone away?
What do I do, with the hurt that still remains?
I give it to You, Lord. Heal my pain and make me love.

Calm the anger in my heart. Please forgive me, Lord, I pray.
Help me to confront some one in love,
Yet not until You’ve calmed my angry heart.
Calm the anger in my heart. Take the pain, Lord, heal me now.
Take the tears and cleanse me, Lord.
Help me to let go and trust You, Lord.

(Chorus)
What can I do, when the trust has gone away?
What do I do, with the hurt that still remains?

I give it to You, Lord. Heal my pain and make me love.

A lot of what I have to say about anger is reflected in the poem.  Anger involves more than just anger and lack of forgiveness.  It also involves hurt; sometimes very deep hurt; and quite often there are trust issues, so to simply say, "You need to let go and forgive that person." does not address all of the issues.

Only God can fully heal us of our hurts and help us to love again and letting go of anger involves healing and therefore also tears.

Another thing that helps is the understanding that we all have areas of our life in which we feel pain.  Even the ones that we are angry with have things in their life that cause them pain.  In our own humanness, it is extremely difficult to see this because we are so caught up in our own pain that it is nearly impossible for us to imagine that that "horrible monster" that we are angry at feels any pain, or for that matter feels anything at all.  Trying to see things from the other person's perspective is extremely difficult on a purely human level and most of us have mental blocks that prevent us from seeing the point of view of someone who has hurt us.

We also have such a strong tendency to hang on to anger.  It is not at all easy to let go of.  I know.  I've most definitely been there, yet God can help to break through the issues in our heart and help us to release that which we cling to so tightly.  As long as we keep holding on to the anger, it is impossible to find peace.  It's like a strong hold in our heart and letting go involves a healing process that can often take considerable time.  The reality of the long healing process has been too often ignored.

Sometimes too, there are issues of trust.  Just because we have chosen to not trust someone does not mean that we have not forgiven them.  It is foolish to not do what is necessary to protect oneself from further harm and unfortunately, lack of trust will usually change the relationship, yet trust is something that must be earned and once it is broken, it must be earned back.  This is not an issue of lack of forgiveness.  It is simply the natural result of broken trust.

The last concept in this poem is the possible need for confrontation.  If the person who has caused the pain is someone that we care about, it will probably be necessary to tell that person how we feel, yet this should not be done in anger.  Sometimes we need to ask God for help in this one, because it is really hard to express deep hurt without including anger.  Anger, though, only begets more anger and accomplishes nothing, just as the Bible says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1, NIV).

Another very important thing to remember is that it is only God who can truly change hearts.  Just as it is God who can help us to let go of the anger, it is also God who can change the hearts of those who have hurt us, yet in order for this to happen, the other person also needs to turn to God for help and this is a healing process, so we need to be patient.

Lastly, and unfortunately, quite often we never do get the apology that we were hoping for.  This is what makes forgiveness even more difficult and the trust may also never be restored.  Sometimes there can even be a rift in the friendship that will never be healed, so the most unfortunate and sad reality is that sometimes the process of forgiveness can result not in reconciliation, but actually letting go, not only of the anger, but of the relationship as well, or perhaps of what you hoped the relationship could be.  This is the part of the puzzle that I struggled with for so long and wasn't willing to accept.

Shay's Day - Inspirational Story

Here is something someone sent me through email that I thought was sort of a neat story.



What would you do? You make the choice. Don't look for a punch line, there isn't one. Read it anyway. My question is; "Would you have made the same choice?"

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question;

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection, yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things is my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself and it comes in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story;

"Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?'

"I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father, I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps, so I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play.

"The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'

"Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

"In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

"In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

"Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

"The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The game would now be over.

"The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first! Run to first!' Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!' Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.

"By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball; the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

"Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home. All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay!' Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third! Shay, run to third!' As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'

"Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

"'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.

"Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!"

The Girl in the Glass (Poem)

Until I get focused again in a political way, which I am indeed thinking about again, yet until I do find that focus again, I've been keeping my eye out for inspirational things to put on my blog.

Here's a poem by an unknown author. It's about a girl and I believe it's actually written to young girls, yet the truth in it could be applied to either sex and any age group.

The Girl in the Glass!!!

When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you queen for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that girl has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or friends,
Whose judgment upon you must pass,
The girl whose verdict counts most in your life,
Is the one staring back from the glass.

You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum,
And think you're a wonderful gal,
But the girl in the glass says you're only a bum,
If you can't look her straight in the eye.

She's the one to please---never mind all the rest,
For she's with you clear to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous difficult test,
If the girl in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartache and tears,
If you've cheated the girl in the glass!!!

Author Unknown

I think the girl, or the man, in the glass is the conscience, yet there is something else to keep in mind. The human conscience can be spoiled by the false expectations of others. Just as there is true and false pride, there is also true and false guilt. When the world honors us, this can result in false pride, yet true pride is when we have succeeded at doing what we expect of ourselves. Yet our expectations need to be realistic. Likewise, false guilt is that which is placed on us by others, yet true guilt is when we have disappointed ourselves, yet again we need to have expectations that are realistic.

One way to have the correct level of both pride and guilt is to form a personal relationship with God, our Creator. He knows exactly for what purpose we were created, what it is that we are best suited for and what it is that we should strive to accomplish. I keep repeating some of the same Scripture verses because I feel that they are so key to life.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23 (NIV), "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23 (NIV), "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this; While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 (NIV), and "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9 (NIV).

According to what God says, the only reason for guilt is to bring us to repentance and than we are forgiven and no longer need to judge ourselves for anything, for the Bible also says "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." Romans 8:1 (KJV). What pleases God is not perfection, but humility and the willingness to admit our sins as well as our need for Him, for another thing the Bible says is "But He gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says; 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.'" James 4:6 (NIV).

Because of these verses, I feel that it's important to add to the ideas in this poem that the girl in the mirror and also the man in the mirror will be easier to please if he or she is connected with his or her Creator and His Son, Jesus Christ. To have within us a conscience that is truly pure and holy and contains true, whether than false pride and guilt, the conscience must be submitted to Christ, just as the Bible also says, "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Romans 12:2 (KJV).