Blogging and People Reflections

My Blog is Often more Peaceful then the Rest of the Blogosphere and I guess you could Say that I Like it that Way.  Arguing can be so Tiring at Times.  And even I can be One of those who Doesn't Exactly Know when it is Time to Quit.  I Wonder what the Rest of you Think.  Is there an Appropriate Time to Turn and Walk Away and Stop Arguing with Idiots?

Speaking of the Word Idiot, I Used to be so Reluctant to Use that Word, but you Know what?  It is Sort of Like when a Person is Pushy in some Way and Hangs Around and will not Go Away.  Being Polite is not Enough, so a Person has no Choice but to be Rude in Order to Get the Message Across that I do not wish to Interact with you any more.  This doesn't Apply to Anyone on the Web Right Now.  It's just something that I've Come Across before in my Life.

There is Something Similar, though, that Occurs while Arguing on the Web.  When a Person Keeps Repeating a Totally Ridiculous Point Over and Over Again that Makes no Sense at all, I've Actually Gotten to the Point At Times in which I Feel that I have no Choice but to Use Words Like Stupid or Idiot or BS, for this is the Only Way to Get my Point Across that I'm Really not at all Buying This and I Really do mean Really.

Sometimes I Get the Feeling that People Say the Ridiculous on Purpose, in order to Persuade People to Doubt themselves and their Ability to Reason, so that the One Speaking the BS can get the Upper Hand.  I've Actually seen this sort of thing used as a Form of Manipulation.  Control Freaks will do this in Order to Maintain Control Over the Situation.

Again, I am not Directing this at Anyone.  I'm just Curious what People Think about what I'm saying.

There are Times in which I have Actually been Obsessed with Idiots.  I don't Know What it is.  Perhaps I'm Trying to Figure Something Out about them.  Why don't they Get it?  How can they Possibly be so Dumb?  And Do they Really Think that I'm That Stupid?

There is Another Phrase that I Never Used to Say, that I've Said a lot more Recently, and that is the Phrase, "You are Insulting my Intelligence."  Never Before have I ever had my Intelligence Insulted on such a Regular Basis, Prior to Entering the Blogging World.  Never Before have I Met such Idiots, as I have Met in the Blogging World.  At First, it was just one, yet more Recently, I've Found Out that there is an Idiotic Personality Type that Lurks in the Shadows of the Web.

People are Far more Insulting and Some of them are even Far more Cruel on the Internet than anyone that I have Ever Met in Person.  If Someone Drops by and Reads this who is New to Blogging, Heed the Words that I'm now Saying.  It might be Good to be a Little Less Trusting and do not Let your Guard Down too Early.

It's Funny, you Know, I'm Even Having Trouble Writing about Relationships, cause on the Internet, such is even more Difficult than in the Real World.  People have no Desire to be Civil.  All they want to do is Argue.

Am I Venting Right Now?  I don't Know if I'm Venting or Reflecting.  Perhaps it doesn't Matter.  All I know is that I Don't Really Want my Blog to Always be just about Arguing the Issues.  Sometimes I just Like to Talk about what Troubles me.

So What's your Story?  What is Troubling you?

More Compromise vs. Gridlock/Relationship Analogies

Well, the Previous Comment Thread is Getting Long, so it is Time to Post Again.  Even trying to Summarize what is on the Previous Comment Thread has Led Up to a Rather Long Post, so I've Decided to Split it in Half.

If you have been Following the Previous Thread, you will Realize that Starting from the Third Comment (April 8, 9:42 PM) on Down to the 24th (April 12, 10:47 AM), we were discussing Analogies Relating to Compromise and Walking to the Middle of a Bridge, but Griper insisted that Bridges are Built for the Purpose of Getting us from One Side to the Other and are therefore not a Good Compromise Analogy.  Eventually, a Platform was Added to the Middle of the Bridge with Stairs to the Bottom of the Canyon and a Helicopter Pad on Top of it (April 9, 2:02 PM).  lol.

Various Different Analogies were Presented.  Including Bridges over Canyons (April 9, 12:43 AM), over Streams (April 9, 2:02 PM), and Over a Stream at the End of a Lake (April 12, 12:54 AM).  The Last of these was Actually a Dock, from which the Compromisers could Get into a Boat and have Multiple Directions to Choose From all Around the Lake.  Not all Bridges are the Same, just as not all Situations are the Same.  What was Under, On or Around the Bridge Depends on the Circumstances and how Many Options there are to Choose from, just as Sometimes the Choice is Black and White, Only One Way or the Other, and Other Times there are Many More Options than just Two.

Another Non-Bridge Analogy was Presented Later in which Two People Simply Walk Across to the Center of a Field and then Can Choice to Walk in Any Direction that they can Agree on (April 12, 12:02 AM).  If you Want more Detail, then Please do Go Back and Read the Earlier Comment Thread.

BB-Idaho also Added Thoughts about Negotiation & Compromise, Defining Terms (April 9, 4:02 PM, April 13, 3:59 PM) and Giving Examples Relating to Rewards and Bribes (Bribing a Wife, April 9, 4:02 PM and Bribing a Pet, April 11, 7:46 AM).

I will be Reviewing these Definitions in my Next Post, which is Going to be the Second Half of the Summary of the Previous Comment Thread.

Even though the Title of this Post includes the Phrase "Relationship Analogies" and the Title of the Next One is More Compromise vs. Gridlock/Return to Politics, don't Think that this Post in not Also Meant to be about Politics, for the Whole Purpose of the Relationship Analogies was to Eventually Relate such Analogies to Politics.

Issues of Frustration & Trust

You Know, Someone just Recently Sent me a Comment that I did not Post.  Mostly it was because it Seemed more Like a Personal Message to me, then Like Something that Needed to be Posted.  The Truth is, though, his Message has Stimulated some Thought.

There were a Number of Themes in it that I'd Like to Respond to and the First one is Frustration.  It's just Like I said to Beth, Beneath an Earlier Post, "As a Person who Struggles with Depression on Occasion, it is Interesting how Often People will Tell me to Stop Doing a Particular Thing that I am Doing at the Time in which I am Talking to them, as if Giving Up that One Item is going to be the Solution to a Life Long Problem."

It just so Happens that Frustration is a Part of Life.  Life isn't Perfect and because of this, we are Never Going to be Experiencing Exactly Everything in the Exact Way that we would Like to be Experiencing it and Unfortunately, this Reality Brings with it at Least Some Level of Frustration.  This is why it Puzzles me that People will Tell me to Run Away the Minute I Admit to some Frustration, as if they Think that the Existence of such Frustration is Something that can Actually be Avoided.

Another Thing Worth Noting is that just because I Admit Frustration does not Mean that I am being in some way "Dominated" by the Frustration.  I believe that is the Word my Blogger Friend Used.  To Me, the Challenge is to NOT "Submit" to the Various Levels of Frustration that will Inevitably always be in my Life.

Some People may Find it Odd when they Hear me Say that I Prefer Stress to Boredom and yet to me, Boredom is What Results whenever we Succeed at Removing all Stress from our Lives.

The Next Theme that I'd Like to Respond to is Trust.  My Friend was Absolutely Right when he said that we Need to Trust Ourselves First.  This Really is True, for we Need to First Trust Our Own Judgment about who is Trust Worthy and Who is not.  We Also Need to Trust Our Own Level of Self-Discipline in not Giving in to Things when we shouldn't.  If we are Afraid that Someone is Going to Steer Us Down the Wrong Path, then at Least Part of that is Trusting Ourselves that we are not Going to Allow that to Happen, for we are not Going to Follow if we do not Like the Direction that the Person is Going in.

Trust Does Indeed Begin with us, yet Part of that Involves Deciding who not to Trust and that is where the Responsibility of the One who Desires to be Trusted Comes in, for Trust is Earned and should Never just be Expected.  If Someone Refuses to Even Try to Work to Earn Trust and Respect, then they Deserve the Lack of Such that they are Given.

I'd like to Thank my Friend for Inspiring this Post.  I Know that there are Others who would Like to Take Credit for Saying Similar Things as this to me, yet the Credit Goes to the One who Said these Things to me more Recently, because his Delivery of the Information was both Humble and Respectable.

The Sun, The Wind, Dominants & Submissives

Ok.  Maybe I Will be Submitting this One.  I didn't Know Yesterday, when I Posted, that I would be Posting two Days in a Row and yet somehow it Seems like the Appropriate Time to Submit this.

Here are just a Few Thoughts that I've been Recently Thinking about.  The First is about the Story of the Competition Between the Sun and the Wind.

The Sun and the Wind were Talking about a Man Walking Below them who had his Coat on and they Both Claimed that they could Influence the Man to Take his Coat Off.  The Wind Went First and Tried to Use Force.  He Blew and Blew and Blew in the Attempt to Blow the Coat Off of the Guy, but the Harder the Wind Blew, the More the Man Clung to the Coat, so the Wind was Unsuccessful in Forcing the Man to Do as the Wind was Insisting on.

Next, the Sun Took a Turn.  Instead of Force, the Sun Simply Used Warmth.  The Sun Came Out and Shown Brightly, Warming Up the Air Until, Guess What?  The Man Removed his Coat of his Own Free Will, without being Forced in any Way to Do so.

So what is the Moral of the Story.  Well, the Warmth of Love is more Effective than any Form of Forceful Persuasion.

I've Know this for a Very Long Time and yet Applying it is so Very Hard to do.  Sometimes the Way in which People Resist us and at Times Behave in Ways that we Consider Inconsiderate just Cause us to Feel Angry to the Point in which Our Love Dries Up, yet Applying Our Own Source of Forceful Wind does not Alleviate the Problem.

As Difficult as it is, the Lord Says that we are to "Turn the Other Cheek" (v. 39), "Go the Extra Mile" (v. 41), "Give to him who Asks of us" (v. 2) and "Pray for our Enemies" (v. 44).  (Matthew 5:39-44)

Here is where I have Struggled in Relation to this...

I've Discovered that there are People Out there who have Divided the World into Dominants and Submissives and who Appear to Believe that the Above Verses are for those who are Submissive by Nature.  I Hated this because the Above Verses are not just for "Submissives", but for Everyone.  The Other Reason that I Hated this is because if a "Submissive" does Apply the Above, God does not Get the Glory, for if Submissiveness is in some People's Nature, then those who are Submissive get the Credit for Acting in Accordance with their Own Nature and it is not God who Gets the Glory.

The Other Problem with Dividing the World into Dominants and Submissives is that Submissives then, get Taken for Granted.  They are Viewed as People who are just Acting in Accordance to their Nature and the Full Extent of the Sacrifice that is being Made is not Recognized.  This Results in Lack of Appreciation and a Disregard for their Needs.

What such a Dominant doesn't Realize is that these Verses were Written for Everyone, not just for Submissives and that the Principle that the Sun Persuades Better than the Wind is Still True, even for those who are Dominant.  Submissives are Human Beings and Human Beings do not Always Behave as they Should.  Even if there is Submissiveness in that Person's Nature, the Dominant is Still Required to be Warm, rather than Cold and Forceful.

What I have Said is Actually Quite Conservative in Nature, for I Know that Some would go even Further with the Idea in Favor of these "So Called 'Submissives'" by saying that there is no such thing and we are all Equal.

Excessive People Pleasing. Still Overwhelmed.

You Know, I've been Feeling Overwhelmed now for Quite Awhile and it is not Letting Up.  It's Frustrating how Blogging can be at Times.  I Watch my Hit Counter and when I See the Number of Hits Drop a Little, I Feel Compelled to Post again and it is not as if I do not have a Post Ready that I could Submit, yet here's the Problem...

I Know that if I was to Post the  Post I'm Referring to, it would Open Up a whole other Can a Worms and since I'm Feeling Overwhelmed by Worms already on a Number of Other Blogs, it would not be Wise for me to Submit my Next Post at this Time.  You see, here's the Thing...

I have a Tendency to be Overly Submissive and to at Least one of my Other Bloggers, even that is a Can of Worms, yet I'm going to Try and Explain this anyway.  There is an Unhealthy Form of Submissiveness and this is what Causes my Stress.

Let me Start by Saying that I Expect too much of myself.  Even the Expectation that I should Post when my Hit Count Drops can be at Times an Unreasonable thing to Expect because I can become Overwhelmed by the Commenters if there is more Activity than I can Handle.

The Reason why I Started with the Idea of Excessive Submissiveness, though, is Because a lot of what I Expect from myself comes from what I Think Others Expect from me.  This Includes Expectations such as Don't Speak Unless you can Prove Everything that you say.  This is a rather High Expectation for me because I am Slow at Web Research and even Arguments that do not Require Web Research Take Time to Think Through and Present to those I'm Dialoguing with.  Sometimes I just Plain Fall Short of this Goal and when I am Judged because of it, this Causes Stress.

Another Expectation is that when I am Challenged, I Need to Offer a Defense in a Timely Manner.  Again, if I do not Meet this Expectation, I Risk being Judged and being Judged or Misunderstood causes me Stress.

The Most Serious Excessive Submission Problem, though, is Caused by the Fact that I Feel Compelled to Respond Positively to most every Request that Sounds Reasonable to me at First.  A Good Example of this is the Request that I Visit a Certain Person's Blog and Offer my Input.  This wouldn't be so Bad if this was the End of the Request, yet Unfortunately the Expectations Continued and Turned to Don't say anything that you can not Give Full Support to within a Certain Time Frame.

Apparently, I can't Handle High Expectation Blogs because I am just too Limited in my Ability and Speed at Doing Web Research.  This Particular Blog that I am Referring to has been Highly Stressful for me and I Never Should have Honored the Initial Request that I Visit the Blog and Give my Input.  It was my Excessive Submissive Tendencies that Led to this Stress.

Some have Called this Sickness "People Pleasing" and what it Basically Consists of is the Inability to Say No.  I Keep Working on this Problem, so that I can Experience more Peace and Less Stress in my Life, yet I Continue to Struggle with this Weakness and Experience Stress because of it.

I want to Apologize if I have Allowed my Recent Stress to Cause me to be Rude to at Least one of my Commenters.  Even if such an Apology is not Required, I'm Doing it anyway because I have a Personal Need to.  Don't you see, even Honoring a Suggestion that I shouldn't Apologize would be a Form of People Pleasing and I Need to Stop doing that cause it is the Cause of my Stress.

Black and White Thinking; The Definition is Gray.

Once in Awhile, I am Inspired by my New Friend Man of Wonder and he has been Inspiring me in Relation to that Black and White Idea, mostly because that is Stated as the Main Theme in his Blog.  I'm Finding that the Concept of Black and White can be Understood in Quite a Number of Ways.  Some of them are Negative and Some are Positive.  I Realized this, as I was Writing Responses to Man of Wonder on his Blog, and then Later, as I thought of a Response to him on my Own Blog, that I've Decided not to Post Until Now.  Here is what I was Thinking of Writing to him below the Next Post Down,  Why do People Believe What they do?....

"There is just Something about Sloppy Thinking, Boy Wonder, that just Seems to Stir Anger within us, in the Flesh.  1)So Many People Out There just do not Know what is Black and White and What is Not.  2)Some Call what is Gray, Black or White and 3)some Call what is Black, White and what is White, Black."

Now to Show you What I Mean by the Different Meanings of the Black and White Concept, in the Context of the First Sentence Above, in which Black and White is Mentioned, it Means that which is Simple and Obvious, as well as Absolute and in the Context of the Second Sentence after that, the First Usage or the Words Black and White is about what is Confused and/or Relative being Called Obvious and/or Absolute and the Second Usage of them Refers to what is Right (White) and Wrong (Black).

Now Read that Paragraph again and see what you get out of it.

Now, for those of you who are Caught up in the Gray (that is Confusion), Some Things are Indeed Black and White (Clear and Obvious, as well as Absolute, or the Same for Everyone), but not Everything is Black and White.  Some Things are not Clear Cut and Obvious and also not Absolute, for Some Things are Gray (Relative) to a Person and/or Situation.

As to the Definition of Black and White as Nothing More than Simple, rather than Complex, Yes, we can "Over Complicate" with Irrelevant Details, yet we can also "Over Simplify", by Assuming that Everything Works According to Our Own Perception on Things or Our Own Point of View, while not Realizing that not Everyone is the Same and that the Way we are Viewing Things May be Beneficial to Oneself, but not to the Other Person (Relative, Rather than Absolute).  Perhaps it would be better not to be quite so Dogmatic in out Thinking.

You See, Black and White can Mean a Lot of Things and some of them are Negative and some of them are Not.  For Example, when Black and White Means Basic and Simple, this is not Necessarily a Negative, but when Black and White Means According to MY Point of View, or "My Way or the High Way", this is a Negative.

Also, When I Say that some of Life is Gray, at Least Part of What this Means is that Sometimes Things are not As they Seem.  Or Put another Way, Things are Foggy and Confused, Not as Easy to Understand as they Seem, or there is "more there than at first Meets the Eye" and this could also Mean that some things are Relative, rather than Absolute.

Now, as a Review of a Few of the Links that I had Referred to in an Earlier Post,  these Links; (Thoughts on Standing Beside a Bomb in a Crowded Square &  Black and White Thinking doesn't Work in a Gray World); Place the Idea of Black and White Thinking in a Very Negative Light.  The First of these Links Actually Places Black and White Thinking Right Along Side of Extremism and the Second just Explains why Black and White Thinking, as Described in the Article, does not Work in the Real World.  Both of these Links Came from a Post at Dave Millers Blog, The War on Extremism.  I Agree with what is Said in these Linked Articles.  The Problem, though, is this...

If Sometimes Black and White Thinking is Understood According to the Given Linked Articles, than Later when someone Uses the Same Terminology to Describe what is Simple, rather than complex, then the One Who Means Only Simple, and not Complex, will not be Judged Fairly for what he or she Says if the Readers are thinking instead about some of the more Negative Definitions of the Terms, Black and White.

There Obviously is a Negative Form of Black and White Thinking, yet this Concept has been Used in so Many Different Ways that Perhaps we Need to be Clear in Our Definitions before Throwing such Words Around.

Old Feelings from a Year Ago

Should I be Posting something Lighter?  Sometimes Doing so is Hard.  I Never do Know what my Commenters Actually Want to Talk about.  For all I Know, there may be some who Come by and when they do, they say.  "Oh no!  Not that Subject!!"  And then they go away and don't ever Come Back.  I have a Tendency to Talk about some of the Most Difficult of the Subjects, such as Intelligent Design vs. Evolution and Abortion.  I must be a Total Fool to be so Stuck on the Subjects that Cause so much Conflict and Emotion.

The Other Subject that Comes Up from Time to Time is Relationships.

Here's One.  God Forgives those who come to Him Asking for Forgiveness, yet so Often we are Expected by those in the Church to Forgive even when no Apology is Given.  Is this a Reasonable Thing to Expect of Ourselves?  Should People get off Scotch Free Like That?  Are our Expectations too High?  Is our Anger Unreasonable because it is Based on an Expectation, or have we been Genuinely Mistreated?  Is it Really so Wrong to Expect to be Treated with basic Decency by those who we Trust?

And here's Another One.  Should we all just Take Responsibility for Our Own Emotions, Including Anger or are there Times in which Anger is Justified and to not Feel that way would be Allowing someone to Take Advantage when they should actually be Confronted?  Is Anger Always Wrong?

Also, what if we are Mourning the Lose of Someone and are therefore more Touchy than Usual?  Should we Still be Required to Take Responsibility for Our Own Feelings?  In such a Situation, is it Really so Unreasonable to Hope for someone to Comfort, rather than Judging us for the Way we Feel, or to Hope for someone to Take us more Seriously, rather than just Stating that what ever Emotions we are Feeling are Our Own Responsibility?  Is it just me, or is that Actually a Rather Unkind Thing to say to someone who is Mourning the Loss of Someone?

It Surprises me a Little that this Last Paragraph came out of me just now.  I guess it's because my Girl Friend Died just before Thanksgiving about a Year Ago and someone was Treating me Exactly as I just Described and Unfortunately, the Anger Never Fully Went Away.

One Last Question.  When it Comes to what ever may have been Wrong with my Own Behavior at the Time, should one's Entire Character be Judged Based on their Behavior During a Time in which they are Mourning the Lose of Someone?  Is it Really so much to Ask for a Little Extra Rope During such Times?  Yet at the Same Time, is it Really Realistic to Assume that Everything is all my Fault?  Is it Even Possible that that is this Person's True Opinion of me?  Is it My Fault that my Girl Friend Died and/or that I Feel Sad and even Angry as the Result?  Should I Take Responsibility for that as well?

Even though a Considerable Amount of Time has Gone by, My Opinion has not Changed about the Way I was Treated.  I Don't Know what to say about this anymore, except that Unfortunately, when a Loved One Dies, Sometimes, we End Up Losing more than just the One who Died.

Communication, Friendship, Risks, Endings, Etc.

I've been on a bit of a Roll in relation to the Evolution vs. Intelligent Design thing and I do have at least one more Post on the Subject that I'd Like to do, yet since the People I Interact with on the Blogs are a Diverse Group of lots of Interests, Perhaps I should Take Breaks and Post about Lighter Things that Require less Though, or at Least less Scientific Though.

I've been Thinking about Friendship and Communication and how Hard such can be at Times.  It's Scary to take the Necessary Risks in Order to get the Best Rewards out of our Friendships.  We get Pets and they Die, we form Friendships and get Rejected by them.  Nothing that is Worth While comes easy.

It's Funny how they say that the Best Things in Life are Free, yet the Truth is that this is Only True in the Context of Money.  In the Context of Work and Effort, nothing is Really Free.  Communication Requires Work, Marriage Requires Work and Friendship Requires Work and sometimes no Matter what we do, we can Still Experience the Rejection that we Fear.

Here is how I View it.  As Long as I can say that You have Learned Something from me and I have Learned Something from you, then the Friendship has been Worth it, regardless of whether or not it is Permanent.  For me Personally, it is the Relationships that End in Anger and in which we can not Come to a Place of Acknowledging that the Friendship was Worth While in some Way; These are the Endings that Hurt, but it doesn't have to be that way.

Some Broken Friendship can also be Reconciled and when this Happens it is Truly a Blessing.

I hope that this Post will Help anyone who Reads it that Feels Lonely in some way.

Listening with the Heart (Poem)

Well, a Commenter in the Previous Post Started Writing Poetry and this is what was Inspired within me because of it.  It came Out sort of Negative, yet the Main Point is how we Need to Listen to Each Other with the Heart. 

Listening with the Heart

I cast my Words onto the Sand,

So they are Heard though out the Land,
Yet Stubborn Hearts will sure Demand,
That their Loud Voice is all that Stands.

I cast my Words into the Sea,
In Desperation now I Plea,
As we now Talk while Drinking Tea,
Yet no one knows the Answer.

How can we Walk now Side by Side?

Our Hurts we Learn, somehow to Hide,
Neath Tough Skinned Shields, we Shy Away,
Cause No One's Safe, Least not Today.

Long I Look for Tender Ears,
A Gentle One won't Judge my Tears.
Again I Risk to do my Part,

In Hope he'll Listen with the Heart.

Take a Break and Just Chat

So many of the Blogs I Follow have Slowed way Down.  It's almost to the Point of being Strange.  Is any body out there?  Talk to me.  Tell a Joke.  Share the Reason's why you feel Discouraged.  Blow off Steam.

Even I've been in a Bit of a Funk Lately.  I guess it's because sometimes the People who I used to get Along with, for some Reason Change for the Negative and though I Try Very Heard, there is no Longer any thing there to Like.  Maybe I shouldn't be saying it that way, yet I don't know how else to say it.

It's sad when Relationships Change.  A Person can't help but Remember Good Times and Wonder why it is Impossible to Get Back to what once was.

Yes, that's it.  That's the Reason for the Funk.  Hopefully, I can get Passed it, though, soon and Move On.

Calm the Anger in My Heart - Poem

The Lord has actually healed me of a lot of the things I used to really feel angry about.  Of course, this horrible beast still rears it's ugly head at times.  We all struggle with anger at times, yet I'm so much more at peace than I once was.

Forgiveness is talked about a lot in the churches, yet my struggle was significant enough that I kept saying, "You know what?  It's just not as simple as that."  Forgiveness actually involves a little bit of a healing process and can often take a little time.   It just plain doesn't happen over night.

Here is a poem that I wrote once when I was feeling angry.

Calm the Anger in my Heart

Calm the anger in my heart. Help me to release it unto You.
Pry my fingers from their grasp.
Help me to know You know the way.
Calm the anger in my heart. Show me hope that You are there.
You're the one who changes hearts. Help me, let You do it, Lord.

(Chorus)
What can I do, when the trust has gone away?
What do I do, with the hurt that still remains?
I give it to You, Lord. Heal my pain and make me love.

Calm the anger in my heart. Help me to see Your guiding hand.
Let me cry my tears to You. Heal me Lord and show the way.
Calm the anger in my heart. Help me to see the other’s pain.
Help me feel compassion, Lord. Ease my hurt and show me how.

(Chorus)
What can I do, when the trust has gone away?
What do I do, with the hurt that still remains?
I give it to You, Lord. Heal my pain and make me love.

Calm the anger in my heart. Please forgive me, Lord, I pray.
Help me to confront some one in love,
Yet not until You’ve calmed my angry heart.
Calm the anger in my heart. Take the pain, Lord, heal me now.
Take the tears and cleanse me, Lord.
Help me to let go and trust You, Lord.

(Chorus)
What can I do, when the trust has gone away?
What do I do, with the hurt that still remains?

I give it to You, Lord. Heal my pain and make me love.

A lot of what I have to say about anger is reflected in the poem.  Anger involves more than just anger and lack of forgiveness.  It also involves hurt; sometimes very deep hurt; and quite often there are trust issues, so to simply say, "You need to let go and forgive that person." does not address all of the issues.

Only God can fully heal us of our hurts and help us to love again and letting go of anger involves healing and therefore also tears.

Another thing that helps is the understanding that we all have areas of our life in which we feel pain.  Even the ones that we are angry with have things in their life that cause them pain.  In our own humanness, it is extremely difficult to see this because we are so caught up in our own pain that it is nearly impossible for us to imagine that that "horrible monster" that we are angry at feels any pain, or for that matter feels anything at all.  Trying to see things from the other person's perspective is extremely difficult on a purely human level and most of us have mental blocks that prevent us from seeing the point of view of someone who has hurt us.

We also have such a strong tendency to hang on to anger.  It is not at all easy to let go of.  I know.  I've most definitely been there, yet God can help to break through the issues in our heart and help us to release that which we cling to so tightly.  As long as we keep holding on to the anger, it is impossible to find peace.  It's like a strong hold in our heart and letting go involves a healing process that can often take considerable time.  The reality of the long healing process has been too often ignored.

Sometimes too, there are issues of trust.  Just because we have chosen to not trust someone does not mean that we have not forgiven them.  It is foolish to not do what is necessary to protect oneself from further harm and unfortunately, lack of trust will usually change the relationship, yet trust is something that must be earned and once it is broken, it must be earned back.  This is not an issue of lack of forgiveness.  It is simply the natural result of broken trust.

The last concept in this poem is the possible need for confrontation.  If the person who has caused the pain is someone that we care about, it will probably be necessary to tell that person how we feel, yet this should not be done in anger.  Sometimes we need to ask God for help in this one, because it is really hard to express deep hurt without including anger.  Anger, though, only begets more anger and accomplishes nothing, just as the Bible says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1, NIV).

Another very important thing to remember is that it is only God who can truly change hearts.  Just as it is God who can help us to let go of the anger, it is also God who can change the hearts of those who have hurt us, yet in order for this to happen, the other person also needs to turn to God for help and this is a healing process, so we need to be patient.

Lastly, and unfortunately, quite often we never do get the apology that we were hoping for.  This is what makes forgiveness even more difficult and the trust may also never be restored.  Sometimes there can even be a rift in the friendship that will never be healed, so the most unfortunate and sad reality is that sometimes the process of forgiveness can result not in reconciliation, but actually letting go, not only of the anger, but of the relationship as well, or perhaps of what you hoped the relationship could be.  This is the part of the puzzle that I struggled with for so long and wasn't willing to accept.