As I was responding to someone's Comment on a Blog just now, I realized something. Earlier in the discussion, I had commented that while talking about this particular subject with this person, I felt as if I was preaching to the Choir. Of course, I'm sure, no doubt, that the person I was talking too probably felt the same way about me. In the last Comment that I left, however, a light bulb went off in my head and I finally understood something about what he was trying to say to me.
There are many Possible Reasons why Communication between people can fail. One Possible Reason for Failed Communication that always comes to my mind is that one or both of the Communicators are too caught up in an Extreme Position and are not willing to Compromise and find some Middle Ground. This is only one of the Reasons, though, Communication can fail.
When ever there is disagreement in a Conversation, it can always be debated who exactly is the Preacher and who exactly is the Unreceptive Choir, yet sometimes I see these things in a totally different light. Could it be instead that the Individuals in the discussion are simply not understanding one another? When ever we feel as if we are Preaching to the Choir, there are at least two possible explanations: no, actually maybe three. One is that I'm right and the other person is Unreceptive. Another is that the other person is right and I am the one being Unreceptive. The third possibility is that we are not in disagreement to the extent that we think and the problem is that we have not adequately explained our position.
Also in the last Comment that I left on this Blog, I made the statement. "Here's where you and I have trouble communicating. We are both too General and we don't understand each other until we become more Specific."
Here is the Post that the Conversation that I'm describing is on. The Post is about Socialism, yet the discussion eventually lead into a very common subject between Griper and I; Compromise between the Extremes. You can read the entire discussion if you like, but I think that the point at which it really got interesting was in my Comment on 4/4/09, at 6:14 PM. If you start from this point, you will only have to read 12 Comments, instead of 65. At least those were the numbers when I wrote this Post.
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12 comments:
Perhaps I should have entitled this Post "When it SEEMS as if we're Preaching to the Choir" because I actually ended up mentioning three possibilities of what is happening and they are basically 1.) I'm Right and you are Unreceptive, 2.) You're Right and I'm Unreceptive or 3.) We're both saying the same thing in two different ways and are misunderstanding each other because we have not adequately Explained our Positions.
I could even add a Fourth Option, which is that we are both Right in that I am Right in one of the Points and you are Right in another of the Points. To always assume that one person is Right and the other is Wrong fits in the Category of Black and White or Two Dimensional Thinking.
I'm a little surprised that no one has responded yet by putting a Comment on this Post and I'm feeling a little disappointed about it because I'm getting busy and may be away from the Computer for awhile. My Parents will be arriving Tomorrow and than we are going to San Fancisco for a few days, so I'll soon be silent for about a week.
there is another possibility too. that both persons are wrong but they can't see the fallacy of their own argument but can see the fallacy of the other's.
That's an interesting Comment and actually sort of a sad one, if no one is right, we are all quite ignorant and no one knows anything. Someone ought to be able to know something, otherwise we are all walking around here in the dark. lol.
I'm proud of you, though, Griper, for your Comment shows evidence of Three Dimensional Thinking or looking beyond the first two most obvious Options.
didn't say there was no correct answer, just that the two answers may be wrong. a third one out there may be the right one. may even go beyond that too.
Griper's pretty awesome, Lista, and so are you. :)
As for "walking around in the dark", perhaps we all are, at least to some extent. Perhaps we aren't always right, but I do think that we must decide what we believe and stand by it unless it has proven to be wrong. I used to think that one must always be willing to compromise, but as I grew older I understood there are some things one shouldn't compromise with. For instance, we should not compromise with what we know in our hearts to be evil.
Of course there's no danger of that in compromising with Griper!
I read many of the comments you referred to in this post, and I agree that the extremists are trying to influence the Bills, moreso than ever now. But that's beside the point. I do see what you mean by "We are both too general and we don't understand each other until we become more specific."
The bottom line is if I had written all that I think my brain would hurt. LOL!
God bless, and I hope you had a wonderful Easter!
I've had this situation with soapie regarding abortion. He basically takes the pro-choice position heavily influenced by Ayn Rand imo and I take pro-life BUT he also holds strongly to the federalist position that the issue is best left to the states which is my position too. In a way we both have the same political position which is what matters I think.
Well hello you guys,
We just got back from a really fun trip to San Fancisco.
Getting back on subject, though, sometimes we end up Preaching to the Choir because we are not willing to make the most minor of Compromises.
Griper,
As I think on your "Both People are Wrong" idea, I think of the times in which both positions are so Extreme that Both Parties are Missing the Entire Picture and thus are indeed Both Wrong, yet often Both are partly Right as well.
If we could just see more clearly the Positives and the Negatives within both points of view we might actually be getting somewhere, yet too often we see only the Positives within our own point of view and only the Negatives within the other persons point of view.
I didn't say that there was no Correct Answer either, Griper, just that in your scenario, no one knows the Correct Answer and this is sort of sad.
Gayle,
It is good to Admit that we may be "Walking Around in the Dark" and it is also good to "Stand by" what we believe, yet not to the extend that we block out all evidence pointing to the other point of view. When people on both sides are doing this, there can't be any real Communication or Growth.
I'm still working on the idea of when we should and when we shouldn't Compromise. Maybe that would make another interesting Post. We'll see.
One thing that is really starting to concern me quite a lot is the level of Extremism that is currently being pushed in Washington. We are moving toward Socialism way too fast and I really hope that the Tea Parties and the like will be able to stop it somehow.
Another thing that concerns me is that the Moderates/RINOs appear to be selling out. When they don't even take the time to read the stuff they vote on, this goes way beyond a "Minor" Compromise. This is down right Sloppy and Horribly Irresponsible.
The way to keep your brain from hurting too much is to slow down and take your time. Thinking sometimes takes time, but is not really that hard to do when we just let it flow and are not in too much of a hurry to understand everything immediately.
I did have a good Easter, Gayle. Thank you.
Z-Man,
Whether you and Soap agree or not depends on whether you are talking about Personal Beliefs or Politics. You and Soap disagree Personally, but not Politically.
Here's where most FCs (fiscal conservatives) don't get it soap being an exception. That we differ personally on abortion is for me not the paramount thing, it's are you pro or anti-Roe? The FCs are constantly fudging the issue, why don't we talk about it less or not at all, it's bringing the party down yada yada. What we should be talking about is a correct understanding of the powers and limitations of government, of correctly applying the Constitution. If we did that we should all wind up advocating federalism but that doesn't seem to be the case.
Sometimes Z,
I wonder if a lot of people even remember what Roe verses Wade was about. Those who are opposed to having it over turned act as if they think that this would mean the Forbidding of all Abortion, yet all it really means is that we would go back to letting the States decide for themselves what to Allow or Forbid. What in the world is so wrong with that!?!
Abortion should be a State issue. I agree with that and I really don't understand why anyone would want such a Controversial Issue such as that to be a Federal Issue unless they are on some Control Trip or something.
We can't stop talking about Abortion, though, because even if it was a State, rather than a Federal Issue, it would still be an Issue.
We are sort of getting off subject, though, and I'm not sure if I am in the mood right now for a full blown discussion on the subject of Abortion.
Actually, perhaps we can talk about the issue of Abortion, or any other issue for that matter, as long as we keep bringing it back to the subject of "Preaching to the Choir" and try and figure out why we are having so much trouble finding a way to Compromise, rather than continuing in such a endless argument and debate that seem to have no end to it.
I might make the argument that pro-lifers are willing to compromise all the time (e.g. parental notification, no tax dollars for abortion) because they have no choice but that the pro-choicers never do because they don't have to, it's as simple as that. How often do you hear about the choicers reaching across the aisle and I'm not talking about cheap talk. Bottom line is it doesn't happen so we are left with preaching to the choir.
Unfortunately Z,
I think I agree with you.
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