There are times in which I've felt like questioning God about the way He designed certain things on this earth and within the hearts of His people. For example, why has He created us in such a way in order to allow for the pain that we feel? It seems to me that our emotions are far too strong and our hearts far too easily damaged.
There is something else that happens too besides just the injuries that happen to human hearts. Another thing that occurs is how the truth about human hurts remains way too hidden. The very fact that we hurt so deeply hinders the communication that could aid in our healing.
One really good example of this is how a rape victim will so often fail to report the crime that has been committed against her. Sometimes the delay is so long that some will question whether or not she is telling the truth. Time and time again, it is necessary for a professional to take the stand and explain how it is not uncommon for the trauma of such an event to prevent and delay the reporting of the event and how such emotions can even remain buried in the victim's heart for years before the truth comes out.
In a similar way, sometimes people who are highly sensitive emotionally can be injured deeply by something that their loved ones do not think should be significant enough to cause pain, yet the pain is so deep, that the person can not even talk about it.
Finally, after a considerable amount of time has passed, the person finally talks, yet only to be met with the complaint, "That was so long ago. Why are you bringing up the past?" I never could figure out who wrote the rule that if too much time passes before a confrontation is made, than the complaint becomes mute, yet when the hurt is very deep, we are reluctant to talk about it. Sometimes we are even reluctant to talk about it too anyone at all, never mind the one who has caused us pain.
The problem is this...
The truth about the very deepest of hurts is not often enough expressed. Because of this, those who cause such pain continue to get away with it. The faults of the villains are not brought to light and some do not even realize that an injury has occurred at their hand. This reality troubles me.
As I've added to this a few principles that I've found in the scriptures, I've become puzzled even more. Consider for example what Jesus tells His disciples in relation to parables.
"10) The disciples came to Him and asked, 'Why do you speak to the people in parables?' 11) He replied, 'The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. 12) Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. 13) This is why I speak to them in parables: 'Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand. 14) In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah: 'You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. 15) For this, people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.' 16) But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.'" Matthew 13:10-16, NIV.
"10) When He was alone, the Twelve and the others around Him asked Him about the parables. 11) He told them, 'The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you. But to those on the outside everything is said in parables, 12) so that, 'they may be ever seeing but never perceiving, and ever hearing but never understanding; otherwise they might turn and be forgiven!'" Mark 4:10-12, NIV.
"He said, 'The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of God has been given to you, but to others I speak in parables, so that, 'though seeing, they may not see; though hearing, they may not understand.'" Luke 8:10, NIV.
How odd this is. It is as if the truth is only for those who put a little effort into seeking it, for the Bible also says...
"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." Matthew 7:7, KJV.
And "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." John 8:32, KJV.
The idea of concealing some of the truth is reinforced by the very fact that things that hurt are difficult to talk about. And than this is reinforced again by the verse that says, "Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you." Matthew 7:6, KJV.
Yet there is a part of me that cries out and says, "But God, if only they really understood, maybe they would repent!" and this has continued to puzzle me.
I guess God wants us to be so concerned about others, that we actually pay attention to how others are responding to us. He wants us to desire to know and to care about whether or not we hurt those around us. Some people are just too absorbed in themselves and their own concerns to notice what is right there before their eyes.
Lord, please help us to want to know the truth. Please, reveal to us what we need to know about ourselves and our effect on those around us. Please seek out the motives in our hearts. Please, reveal to us the truth and set us free, so that we may more effectively love. Amen!
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17 comments:
people can't know the thoughts of others. we can only reveal to others what lies within us. to expect others to know when they have hurt us is asking them to have the powers of God.
and, granted, we hold a lot of pain within ourselves when we feel that someone has violated our core being until it wells up in us to burst it out. and, granted, people have a tendency to be sceptical once it has been revealed.
both cases only reveal our humanity though. and that is something we should remember also. both are responses to defend ourselves from even greater pain from each other. the answer? i don't know the answer.
most of the time i think we only seek to heal from the pain and hope time is the answer.
I cannot speak to the meanings of Mark, Matthew et. al, but many recent studies indicate that from the moment of birth, an infant's brain develops in an extraordinary way: they peer at faces, they listen attentivley..and their brain development is directed to 'reading' others. Almost as critical as the need for food and sleep is the age-old requirement that we possess an awareness of the intent, and necessarily the feelings of those around us. It is the way of the gregarious species, critical if the species is intelligent to the degree we are.
Elsewise, we would be like a pack of baboons, screaming and fighting for dominance (er, we don't do THAT, do we?) This seems the rudimentary scientific current opinion, though the complexities of spiritually no doubt apply. If for some reason or other, this stage of development is compromised, things like some types of autism or antisocial behavior result. That said, an example would be my wife's tone of voice on my pre-wired and reinforced brain wiring..you know, time to hide in the basement. This is a vast over simplification. My own problem in this area, so I've been told, is that I seldom get mad, but carry a grudge for eons. (!?) In my unscientific opinion, apologies, forgiveness and anger resolution are better handled by the female of the species; for what reason I know not..except maybe they are smarter. :) Hmm, do baboons carry a grudge for eons?
Two responses. That's interesting. I never know what to expect when I post.
Griper,
It all comes down to the need of tougher skin on the receiving end (don't take it so personally) and the need for greater sensitivity on the side of the communicator and also the need for the speaker to communicate more clearly, while the one receiving the message listens intently, with sensitivity. All of these things are needed.
On the one hand, it doesn't seem realistic for anyone to expect the other to read their mind, yet on the other hand, it is also not realistic to expect people to always speak as clearly as we would like them too, especially when they are hurt.
As to scepticism, the only tool that we have to help us either doubt or believe what we hear is all the non-verbal messages that accompany the communication. If a person lacks the ability to read these signals, than nothing less than an extremely clear communicator is going to be able to reach him. Unfortunately, there are many people who fall way short of what is required in order to communicate effectively with a non-perceptive person.
I don't know. Maybe this is an incompatibility problem, yet Jesus teaches against the idea of divorce, and I've always thought of it as a last straw, not something that we consider immediately as soon as there are problems. In order to hold to this concept, though, each person has to work on their own weaknesses, whether it be over sensitivity or a weakness in the reading of body language.
BB,
Interesting! Yes, the reading of body language starts right away at birth. You really do know more about psychology than you give yourself credit for.
As to the male/female thing, though, I've often heard it said that it is the females that hold the grudges. In actuality, this probably depends more on the individual, than on the gender, yet females often become hurt quite easily because they care very deeply about being accepted and loved by those they care about.
I think it is the Elephant that holds the grudges, for "The Elephant never forgets." lololol.
Good input you guys! I wasn't sure what I was going to get in response to the more emotional subjects.
shucks, girl, we've been telling you that ever since you began blogging. lolol
"In my unscientific opinion, apologies, forgiveness and anger resolution are better handled by the female of the species;"
i tend to agree with you, bb, on this issue, though, like everything else it is not absolute.
Is it me, or are the bible verses in red over the lavender background hard to see and focus on? I know, I know, I need my bifocals adjusted again.
No, you're right. Jesus' words are supposed to be in red, but pink will have to do. Is that better?
I have to say I am a bit intimidated by the extensive nature of Griper's and BB's answers so I will talk about your second to last paragraph. Living overseas, one of the things I often hear about my American upbringing is that we tend to be too self-absorbed however I don't think that is a bad thing as long as it is tempered with altruism. Concern for others is what builds a cohesive society and I think that is one thing people never notice when they come to visit America for a week. It is hard to notice that, but the one thing I miss is how easy it was to strike up a conversation waiting in line at the grocery store. For some reason, people are just way too quiet here.
I didn't know Jesus' words were supposed to be in red. My old KJV
was all black with many thee, thou,
behold and from henceforths in it.
The Jehovah Witness folk who stop by quote from all black scripture, while some Catholic bibles have the red..huh.
But, curiosity piqued, I learned the red letter tradition started here: http://bopsjourney.blogspot.com/2008/06/why-are-earthly-words-of-jesus-in-our.html
..then the polticial fight over the importance of red letters:
http://www.traditionalvalues.org/modules.php?sid=2866
And yes, pink is easier for me, but gee, overturning tradition and all? :)
Crian,
I've learned that I need at least two things to survive while blogging, tough skin and a lack of concern over whether or not there are people out there who appear to be smarter than me. I have to not care so much. If I care too much, I won't survive the experience emotionally.
How long have you lived in Ireland?
BB,
Jehovah Witness folk focus more on God than on Jesus, yet the basic Christian Salvation Message is based on the death and resurrection of Jesus, for He died to save us from our sins.
Oh goody, more to read. lolol. I don't think Jesus will mind being in pink once in awhile. It's just a lighter form of red. Good enough.
It's interesting how often my initial response is quite different than the response that I think of later, after I've given a matter some thought.
Griper,
As to your mention of our humanity, I've decided that I'm going to do a post about it, as well as our tendency to defend ourselves from even greater pain. And then there is the tougher skin issue. Forgive me while I take a few notes, think out loud and outline some thoughts for upcoming posts.
BB,
"We don't do THAT, do we?"
Yes, I'm afraid we do. I guess that's about our humanity too.
Griper,
The Bible's teaching on marriage and divorce is another whole subject I could get into, yet I'm probably going to by pass it for now.
Crian,
Oh yeh! And then there's the self absorbed comment. I don't know why I didn't catch this at first, but once I thought about it, I realized that this was probably based on the opinions of some of your Irish friends who may or may not have accurate ideas about what Americans are actually like, or for what ever reason, may or may not like us.
It seems to me that the example that you used reveals part of the answer to how self-absorbed we are. It seems to me that the unwillingness to talk to people at the grocery store is a more self-absorbed practice than the willingness to talk to people at the grocery store.
Also, I keep hearing time and time again how no other nation has given as much assistance to other nations in their time of need than America has. The self-absorbed are those who think mostly about themselves, not others, thus it is not an altuistic idea.
It's positively uncanny how this one blog alone is so much in tune with my wavelength, you expressed in such a focused manner many of my own feelings on these things. I too will sometimes take offense at things other people might brush off and I don't consider something as having happened a long time ago reason enough to forget about it IF the other party has not taken pains towards the healing process. The worst part is there are people in this world who go about hurting others and are blissfully unaware of this very fact and yet they have their advocates. Great blog lista!
Thanks Z,
I'm so very glad you dropped by. Sometimes I don't visit other blogs as often as I should because I have to be in just the right kind of mood in order to talk about or even think about politics, yet your blog often does have posts on other subjects besides politics and it has been very interesting the times in which we have talked on your blog, so please do stick around. Thanks.
Knowing when to keep trying to reconcile and when to just let it go can be a difficult decision at times. Sometimes friendships just plain die and there is nothing you can do about it.
wasn't sure of comments huh? then he grins, looks like comments coming out of the wall. lol
Yeh, I've got some blogging friends and I appreciate every single one.
I too have to be in just the right mood for my daily dose of politics, it can't be like at times when I've just woken up or I'm trying to unwind after a hard day's work. Talking about nonpolitical topics I've blogged from time to time about rejection and was discussing this with a young woman I worked with once. I said when a man or woman gets rejected by the opposite sex (more often than not it's the man since the cultural formula still dictates that he be the one to ask her out) isn't it normal for the rejectee to wonder why he/she was rejected in the first place and she said "but that's high school stuff." Is it though? I mean we're all human deep down and have feelings no? and then there's the manner of rejecting someone, is it civil or overly harsh and insulting? I believe rejection does affect our psyches in some way only we're too afraid to admit it and so as you say in your blog we hold things deep down. Sometimes I find these topics so much more interesting than politics.
I appreciate your comment Z because I am all the time asking myself what I should mainly blog about and what it comes down to is what type of people do I want to attract. Do I want to attract those interested in Politics, those interested in the Spiritual or those interested in emotions and psychology. I'm quite capable of writing about all of these things and like the idea of both a subject matter and an audience that is diverse.
Since I realize that not all of my readers may be interested in all of these subjects, this is the main reason that I decided to label my blog. This way, people can pick and choose what they want to read by subject matter, without having to scroll through pages and pages of material.
As to rejection, you are absolutely right that this is not just "high school stuff". In fact, I've discovered lately that it is not even just dating stuff. I have a girlfriend that actually rudely dumped me and told me that she doesn't want to be may friend any more and then she wrote me this really nasty, angry and insulting letter. It was awful. I've never received anything like it.
Rejection in the job world can take it's tole as well, though people seem to expect this type of rejection to not have the same damaging effects, yet I've struggled with this quite a bit in my life and just like with a romantic break ups, we are not always told the real reasons why.
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