Saturday, February 5, 2011

Excessive People Pleasing. Still Overwhelmed.

You Know, I've been Feeling Overwhelmed now for Quite Awhile and it is not Letting Up.  It's Frustrating how Blogging can be at Times.  I Watch my Hit Counter and when I See the Number of Hits Drop a Little, I Feel Compelled to Post again and it is not as if I do not have a Post Ready that I could Submit, yet here's the Problem...

I Know that if I was to Post the  Post I'm Referring to, it would Open Up a whole other Can a Worms and since I'm Feeling Overwhelmed by Worms already on a Number of Other Blogs, it would not be Wise for me to Submit my Next Post at this Time.  You see, here's the Thing...

I have a Tendency to be Overly Submissive and to at Least one of my Other Bloggers, even that is a Can of Worms, yet I'm going to Try and Explain this anyway.  There is an Unhealthy Form of Submissiveness and this is what Causes my Stress.

Let me Start by Saying that I Expect too much of myself.  Even the Expectation that I should Post when my Hit Count Drops can be at Times an Unreasonable thing to Expect because I can become Overwhelmed by the Commenters if there is more Activity than I can Handle.

The Reason why I Started with the Idea of Excessive Submissiveness, though, is Because a lot of what I Expect from myself comes from what I Think Others Expect from me.  This Includes Expectations such as Don't Speak Unless you can Prove Everything that you say.  This is a rather High Expectation for me because I am Slow at Web Research and even Arguments that do not Require Web Research Take Time to Think Through and Present to those I'm Dialoguing with.  Sometimes I just Plain Fall Short of this Goal and when I am Judged because of it, this Causes Stress.

Another Expectation is that when I am Challenged, I Need to Offer a Defense in a Timely Manner.  Again, if I do not Meet this Expectation, I Risk being Judged and being Judged or Misunderstood causes me Stress.

The Most Serious Excessive Submission Problem, though, is Caused by the Fact that I Feel Compelled to Respond Positively to most every Request that Sounds Reasonable to me at First.  A Good Example of this is the Request that I Visit a Certain Person's Blog and Offer my Input.  This wouldn't be so Bad if this was the End of the Request, yet Unfortunately the Expectations Continued and Turned to Don't say anything that you can not Give Full Support to within a Certain Time Frame.

Apparently, I can't Handle High Expectation Blogs because I am just too Limited in my Ability and Speed at Doing Web Research.  This Particular Blog that I am Referring to has been Highly Stressful for me and I Never Should have Honored the Initial Request that I Visit the Blog and Give my Input.  It was my Excessive Submissive Tendencies that Led to this Stress.

Some have Called this Sickness "People Pleasing" and what it Basically Consists of is the Inability to Say No.  I Keep Working on this Problem, so that I can Experience more Peace and Less Stress in my Life, yet I Continue to Struggle with this Weakness and Experience Stress because of it.

I want to Apologize if I have Allowed my Recent Stress to Cause me to be Rude to at Least one of my Commenters.  Even if such an Apology is not Required, I'm Doing it anyway because I have a Personal Need to.  Don't you see, even Honoring a Suggestion that I shouldn't Apologize would be a Form of People Pleasing and I Need to Stop doing that cause it is the Cause of my Stress.


Beth said...

Seriously, don't stress out, it's just blogging, we're not going to save or ruin the world here.

Lista said...

"People Pleasers" are Easily Taken Advantage of. I've Actually Interacted with One Person who Feels that I am a Natural "Submissive" and Find my Joy by Being "Submissive", but he couldn't be more Wrong. When I Submit too much, I Stress myself Out and Can Even go Into Depression. That Level of Submission is not Healthy. No One should Allow themselves to be Used as a Door Mat.

People who Do Take Advantage of the Giving Nature of "People Pleasers" are the Lowest of Scum. In my Opinion, there is no one Lower.

Thanks, Beth, for Dropping By.

BB-Idaho said...

There are advantages to being nice, in addition to
our self-respect. Many times in my career, I 'toured' people through my laboratory operations;
potential employees, servicemen on leave, various relatives of company relatives. I always took the time to
make it interesting and inclusive, let folks press some buttons, watch charts emerge, explain theory...the regular
'dog and pony' show. I did the same whether it was a congressman or Bill's elderly mother. Three times through the years,
one of these 'visitors' turned out to be a 'plant':
the next CEO of the business. Each time I was later called to the executive suite for a personal thank you by the new president, that other area tours were 'cold and offputting' and they were confident in working with a professional who cared. So 'pleasing people' being caring and being nice need not be 'submissive' nor stressful..just the decent thing.

Beth said...

Avoid people like that, then. Even if it means no more blogging for you. Why open yourself up in the first place? Life is too short.

WomanHonorThyself said...

ah tis hard but try to just enjoy it and don't take it to hard on your heart..:)

Lista said...

Back to Beth's Original Comment, "we're not going to save or ruin the world here."

Maybe not, but we do have an Effect on it. None of us are Islands.

"Avoid people like that, then. Even if it means no more blogging for you."

No One Should be Able to Create a Situation that Forces me to Make the Decision to not Blog. I am the one Who Makes Decisions Like that. I'll Tell you what, though. I've Changed my Thinking about Deciding not to Print Certain Comments. There May Come a Time in which Blocking Certain People is Necessary for my Peace of Mind, even if my Reasons for doing so may be Foggy to the Person in Question.

I Added to my Rules for the Comments, on the Right. Notice Rule Three. This will Help me to Avoid Bloggers that just Plain Tire me.

I can Actually be a bit of a Masochist at Times, Taking Risks and then Later having to Pull Back and Recover from the Repercussions.

I Guess I should Make it Clear, though, that what I was Talking about in my Previous Comment has Nothing to do with the "High Expectation Blog" that is Described in the Above Post.

Thanks for your Comment, BB. Whether you Know it or not, you are a Supportive Person and have Frequently Helped Restore me Back to Peace.

And Thanks to Angel, as well.

Beth said...

For clarification, I am not telling you not to blog, merely suggesting it as a means to end your obvious problems with it.

Lista said...

Well, Beth, I've had Tendencies Towards Depression for most of my Life, Long Before I Knew anything about Blogging. People Pleasing can also Cause someone to be Overly Involved in the Church, doing Ministries just because I Think I Should and not Because I Want to.

People Pleasers Lack the Ability to Say No and Set Boundaries and this Makes it Difficult to Protect Oneself in Relationships. This does not Only Occur on the Web. It Also Occurs in Real Life.

I've Gotten Much Better at Saying No, than I Used to be. I have Way More Back Bone, which has Resulted in More Peace of Mind, yet People on the Internet are in some Ways Worse than People in Real Life and this can Cause a Relapse in something that I Once Thought I had Conquered and yet Apparently have not.

As a Person who Struggles with Depression on Occasion, it is Interesting how Often People will Tell me to Stop Doing a Particular Thing that I am Doing at the Time in which I am Talking to them, as if Giving Up that One Item is going to be the Solution to a Life Long Problem.

I Don't Really Expect you to Understand, yet I'm Trying to Give you Enough Information just in case you might be Able to.

Beth said...

I merely suggested you give up blogging because it causes you so much stress, you even wrote that people on the Internet are worse than people in real life, so I just don't understand then why you would subject yourself to it when you can avoid that part of your life? Of course friends online would miss you, but if they are truly friends they would understand why you need to stay away. Just my 2 cents for what it is worth. I won't bother you anymore because I don't want to add to your stress!!

Lista said...

You're Still not Understanding me, Beth, for I will be either Stressed or Depressed anyway, no Matter what I do. That's just the Way Life is. It just so Happens that my Real Life Friendships are not as Intellectually Stimulating as my Friends on Line. Real Life is Boring and as Odd as it Seems, I Prefer Stress to Boredom.

It just so Happens, though, that the Above Post is about Life, not just Blogging.

And you're not Stressing me. It is the Manipulators that the Most Stress me and I do not Consider you a Manipulator. You are just a Person Who Often Misunderstands where I'm Coming From, but that's Ok.